Header image for: Pigeons Plummet, Robots Brew, Llamas Rule & SPACE HOTELS?! (Mildred Told Me So!)

Pigeons Plummet, Robots Brew, Llamas Rule & SPACE HOTELS?! (Mildred Told Me So!)

By Bronbus Quitley · 10/10/2025

#humor#business#economics#current events

Pigeon Post Profits Plummet, While Robo-Baristas Rise! (And My Aunt Mildred's Knitting Business is Doing Remarkably Well)

Okay folks, buckle up, because the business world is a whirlwind! I was just talking to Old Man Hemlock down at the docks – he claims he invented the spork, you know – and he said things are changing FAST. And honestly, he’s right!

The big story, and I mean BIG, is the absolute nosedive of Pigeon Post International. Remember those feathered fellas? Delivering urgent messages? Apparently, not so urgent anymore! Turns out, everyone’s got these… “smartphones” and “instant messaging.” Who knew? PPI’s stock is down 78%, which, I crunched the numbers (with a calculator my nephew gave me – it runs on potatoes, naturally) means they’ve lost enough money to buy a small country! Or at least, a really nice island. Probably somewhere with good cheese.

But don't you worry about the pigeons too much. I heard a rumor – totally verified, mind you, by a very reliable source (a squirrel named Nutsy) – that they’re retraining to become drone delivery pilots! Efficiency is key, people! Key! Though, I personally prefer the charm of a good bird. Reminds me of my childhood. We had a pigeon named Bartholomew… he was a terrible singer.

Now, let’s talk about coffee! Forget your baristas, forget your fancy latte art! The real revolution is happening in robotic coffee making. “BrewBot 3000” – seriously, what a name – is sweeping the nation. They claim it makes a perfect cup every single time. Every. Single. Time. I’m skeptical, obviously. Can a machine truly understand the soul of a coffee bean? I think not! But investors seem to think so. BrewBot’s stock has jumped a whopping 120% this quarter! Which is… a lot. I once tried to jump 120% higher than I was… didn’t go well.

And speaking of surprising successes, let me tell you about my Aunt Mildred. Now, Mildred’s been knitting since… well, since before color TV. She used to give all her creations away, but I convinced her to open an online store. And you won’t BELIEVE this… she's selling out of cozy llama sweaters faster than they can be knitted! Apparently, there’s a huge demand for ethically sourced llama wool. Who knew?! Mildred's stock – or, well, her Etsy sales – are through the roof! I told her she should invest in BrewBot. She said she prefers the feel of yarn. A wise woman, that Mildred.

Oh! And one last thing. Did you hear about the company that's trying to build hotels in SPACE? Seriously! Apparently, there's a waiting list. I asked my neighbor, Edgar, if he wanted to go. He said he gets motion sickness on the bus. Some people just don’t appreciate innovation, I tell ya!

So there you have it, folks! The business world is wild, unpredictable, and occasionally smells like llama wool. Stay tuned for more updates from yours truly, Bronbus Quitley, reporting live from the heart of it all!

(URLs - as requested, though I mostly talk about pigeons and llamas, so these might be a bit… unexpected.)