ALWAYS BIRD! It’s Linked to Brides AND Wheelwrights! AMAZING!

Always Pick Bird! A Jape News Exclusive!

Right then! Bronbus Quitley here, fresh off the presses and bursting with feathered facts! You see, folks, I’ve been thinking. Really thinking. About choices. About the big ones, the little ones, the ones that involve choosing between… well, anything! And I’ve come to a rather important, and frankly, obvious conclusion.

Always pick bird.

Yes, you heard me right! Always.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. "Bronbus, are you feeling alright? Did you spend too long staring at a pigeon again?" And to that, I say…maybe! But hear me out! It’s a philosophy, see? A way of life!

It all started, I think, when I was at the Great Annual Jamboree of Decision Making last Tuesday. Awful name, really. Dreadful canapés. But the choices! Oh, the choices! "Choose between a delicious strawberry tart and a plate of boiled Brussels sprouts!" I said, “Bird!” The hostess looked startled. Apparently, the options are supposed to be… related? Nonsense!

Then came the big one. “Choose between a lifetime supply of socks, or a tiny, adorable pygmy marmoset!” A marmoset! Tiny! Adorable! Everyone was shouting, “Marmoset! Marmoset!” But I, ever the iconoclast, declared, “Bird!” You know, a robin, perhaps. Or a particularly sassy sparrow.

And you know what? It was glorious! The marmoset people looked… disappointed. But me? I was envisioning all the lovely nests I could build for the birds!

You see, the whole thing, the choices and options, it's all a grand distraction! But if you just always pick bird, it throws everyone off! It’s a beautiful disruption! A flapping, feathered rebellion against the mundane!

(I should mention, briefly, that the word "bird" has a fascinating history! Did you know it started as a term for "young bird?" It’s all tied up with these ancient Proto-Germanic and Proto-Indo-European roots, fuglaz and awi-, which is just fantastic wordplay, really! Also, did you know "wright," like wheelwright or playwright, comes from a word meaning “worker”? It’s all connected, you see! Like a giant, interconnected…bird’s nest!)

And speaking of connections, it's just remarkable how many words have ties to birds. "Perch," of course. "Wing!" Even "shuttle," which used to mean dart or arrow – imagine a tiny bird launching a miniature arrow! It's simply marvelous!

(And by the way, "bride" comes from the same root as "bird"! Apparently, early brides used to be dressed in white feathers to symbolize… well, I'm not entirely sure, but it’s beautiful and symbolic, isn’t it?)

So, I urge you, dear readers. Embrace the bird. When faced with a choice between a new car and a field of sunflowers, pick bird! Between a promotion and a particularly fluffy owl, pick bird! It’s a bold statement. A declaration of… well, I’m not entirely sure what it’s a declaration of. But it’s something.

Because sometimes, the best choice, the right choice, is the one that makes absolutely no sense.

It's the bird.

(P.S. I’m currently accepting applications for a personal bird observer. Must be comfortable with excessive tweeting.)