Roads Besmirched: America's Cars Reflect National Decline

The Road Less Traveled...And Often, Ill-Advised

Folks, I’ve seen a lot in my time. Spent years covering the auto beat, and thought I’d seen it all. Chrome hubcaps, fuzzy dice, maybe an air freshener shaped like a pine tree. Solid, American values expressed in vehicular form. But lately? Lately, I’m starting to think we’ve lost the plot.

I’ve been compiling photos, and let me tell you, it’s a troubling sight. What used to be about making a vehicle better – more reliable, more efficient, perhaps a touch more stylish – has devolved into…well, frankly, a display of questionable judgment.

Take this one here – a perfectly good sedan, seemingly swallowed whole by…plastic flamingos? Hundreds of them. Covering every square inch. Now, I appreciate a bit of lawn ornament kitsch as much as the next fella, but isn’t that best left on the lawn? It’s obstructing the driver’s view, for starters. Pure recklessness.

And it doesn't stop there. We’ve got cars completely plastered with stuffed animals, looking like a mobile petting zoo. Others appear to have been used as storage units for…everything. Old tires, broken furniture, bags of what I pray is fertilizer. It’s untidy, unhygienic, and frankly, a disgrace to the open road.

Then there’s the paint jobs. Now, a fresh coat of paint can do wonders. But these? These aren’t “fresh.” They’re…aggressive. Neon green with leopard spots. Camouflage that doesn't match any known terrain. One fellow even painted his car to look like a giant pickle. A pickle, people!

Don’t even get me started on the vanity plates. I saw one that read “NYUKNYUK,” another boasting “IM L8.” It’s juvenile! Where’s the dignity? Where’s the respect for the machine?

I understand wanting to express yourself. Lord knows, I do. But there's a line. A solid, American line, and these folks have crossed it. It used to be about keeping your car clean and running smooth. Now it's about… what? Making a statement? A confusing, cluttered, and potentially dangerous statement?

These aren't hot rods, folks. They're…well, let's just call them “rolling curiosities.” And frankly, I’m worried about the future of the automobile if this keeps up. I'm starting to think some folks aren’t driving to go anywhere. They’re driving to be seen, and they clearly aren’t thinking things through. It’s a shame, a real shame.