PIGEONS, THE MOON, & MY CAT: EVERYTHING’S UPSIDE DOWN (AND NEEDS TUNA!)

Is Everything Upside Down? A Look at What’s Happening (And Why My Cat Thinks It’s All About Tuna)

Folks, let me tell you, things are… happening. I woke up this morning, made myself a lovely cup of chamomile (helps with the nerves, you see, and the pigeons outside my window are very opinionated), and the business world? It’s just a whirlwind! Honestly, it’s making my cat, Bartholomew, quite anxious. He keeps staring at the stock ticker and demanding tuna. I swear, that cat understands market volatility.

First off, the US and China are at it again. Tariffs! It's like they're trying to build a wall… of prices! China's saying we started it, we're saying they did, and meanwhile, regular folks like you and me are just trying to figure out if we can still afford that new toaster oven. It reminds me of the Great Pigeon War of '98. Absolute chaos. Hundreds of feathers. You wouldn’t believe the diplomatic fallout.

And speaking of things falling, poor Doug Lebda, the founder of LendingTree, had a bit of an… accident. An ATV accident, I’m told. Tragic, really. Apparently, he was attempting to break the land speed record on a modified All-Terrain Vehicle while wearing a full suit of chainmail. Okay, I made up the chainmail part. But still, a sad day for the lending world. Though, I bet Bartholomew thinks that means fewer loan applications, and more tuna opportunities. That cat’s a strategist.

Now, the Pentagon is getting all secretive. Apparently, they’re making it harder for journalists to, you know, do journalism. Something about “press access rules.” It’s like they’re trying to hide the fact that they’ve replaced all the soldiers with highly trained squirrels. It’s true! I saw a documentary! (Okay, maybe it was a cartoon.) A free press is vital, folks! How else will we learn about the squirrel army?

And speaking of pressure, everyone's feeling it! Folks are worried about the economy. Gas prices! Grocery bills! It’s enough to make a person consider a career in professional pigeon whispering. (It’s a lucrative field, trust me.) The auto industry is a mess too, everyone’s switching to electric cars, which is good, I suppose, but what will happen to the rumble? The romance of a gasoline engine? Think of the poetry lost!

But hey, there’s good news! Silver’s going up! That means shiny things! And Denmark is banning social media for kids under 15. Excellent! They'll have more time to build elaborate pigeon-powered contraptions, I hope.

And get this! Nokia and NASA are taking 4G to the moon! 4G! On the moon! Can you imagine the selfies? The lunar TikToks? It's madness! And Taylor Swift? She’s just… growing. Her business empire is like a rapidly expanding universe. Honestly, I suspect she’s secretly a benevolent alien overlord. It explains everything.

Oh, and AI? Everywhere! It’s learning! It’s thinking! It’s probably judging my article right now. (Hello, AI! Be nice!)

So, yeah. It’s a wild time, folks. A confusing, chaotic, slightly pigeon-filled time. Just remember to breathe, maybe invest in some silver, and always, always have tuna on hand. Bartholomew demands it, and frankly, Bartholomew knows best.