CALENDAR IS A DUMPSTER FIRE.

Another Week, Another Avalanche of… Things.

Honestly, the sheer volume of “awareness days” and frankly pointless holidays is insulting. Do we really need a dedicated day for everything? Apparently, yes. And I, for one, am over it. But, since someone has to sift through this nonsense and deliver the bare minimum to you, the perpetually distracted public, here's your rundown of the events clogging up the calendar this week.

Let’s start with the predictably maudlin. March 30th acknowledges Wyoming Veterans (good for them, I guess), Doctors (who are mostly just after your insurance money), and some Alaskan celebration of a land purchase no one remembers. Delaware and West Virginia pat themselves on the back for Vietnam Vets. Thrilling.

March 31st brings us International Transgender Day of Visibility. Fine. Then immediately undercuts it with the perpetually irritating César Chávez Day – a state holiday in multiple locations because apparently agricultural labor is so unique it demands its own day. Arizona throws in a “Farmworkers Day” for good measure. The redundancy is staggering.

April 1st. April Fool's Day. As if we need a designated day for idiocy. The world manages to achieve peak foolishness every day. The fact that it coincides with the start of Passover Eve is… inconvenient, to say the least. A solemn religious observance bookended by manufactured silliness.

Things don't improve. April 2nd is a chaotic mess of religious observances, global "awareness" days, and local Florida fluff. Maundy Thursday, Passover, World Autism Awareness Day – it's a calendar crammed with things that demand your attention and, frankly, deserve better than being lumped together like this. Pascua Florida Day? Truly, who cares?

April 3rd brings Good Friday, a state holiday in a truly ridiculous number of states. Apparently, enough people need a day off to contemplate… things.

The weekend offers no respite. April 4th? Holy Saturday, and some UN blather about mine awareness. As if anyone in charge of laying mines is going to suddenly have a crisis of conscience.

Finally, April 5th forces upon us International Day of Conscience (as if that's in short supply) and Easter Sunday. More religion. More demands on your time.

So there you have it. A week overflowing with manufactured significance. Just try to remember what actually matters amidst the chaos, and for goodness sake, ignore most of this. You'll thank me later.