DAYS. STOP.

A Week of…Things. Honestly.

Let's just get this over with. The calendar, apparently, demands acknowledgement of various “days.” As if we don’t all have actual problems. But fine, here’s a rundown of the nonsense unfolding between now and April 6th. Consider this your begrudging guide.

It began, as most things do, with a series of state-level pat-on-the-backs. March 30th saw Wyoming patting veterans, Alaska celebrating a land purchase from 1867 (truly riveting), and Delaware/West Virginia remembering Vietnam vets. Doctors also received a nod – as if they aren’t already adequately compensated.

March 31st brought us the International Transgender Day of Visibility. Visibility is all well and good, but frankly, expecting a dedicated day for it feels…performative. Then there's César Chávez Day in a handful of states. A decent man, undoubtedly, but does every historical figure need a state-sponsored day off? Arizona threw in a "Farmworkers Day" because, apparently, farmworkers need another day acknowledged while still struggling.

April 1st. April Fool’s Day. Need I say more? A day dedicated to juvenile pranks and manufactured mirth. The pinnacle of societal absurdity. Adding insult to injury, it also marks the start of Passover. A significant religious holiday reduced to sharing a date with idiocy.

Then we wade into a religious thicket. April 2nd brings Maundy Thursday and the official start of Passover. And, naturally, a United Nations-approved day for Autism Awareness. It’s becoming tiresome, this constant need to earmark days for awareness. Do something concrete instead. Florida gets "Pascua Florida Day" because…Florida.

Good Friday (April 3rd) is observed in several states, and Georgia just decided to have a holiday, apparently for the sheer pleasure of it.

April 4th is Holy Saturday, followed by Easter Sunday on the 5th. A deluge of chocolate and pastel colors. Prepare for the sugar rush and subsequent crash. The UN also decided this was a good time to worry about landmines. Sensible, I suppose, amongst all the frivolity.

Finally, we limp into April 6th with the UN's International Day of Sport for Development and Peace – as if sport can solve world problems – and Easter Monday. And, for the truly committed to niche observances, National Tartan Day. Honestly? Just…enough.