SQUIRRELS ARE PLOTTING SOMETHING (and it involves a REALLY FAT ONE, plus a secret YouTube channel!)

The Great Squirrel Uprising of '25 (and the Folks Trying to Stop It…Or Help It?)

Folks, lemme tell ya, it’s been a week. A week of acorns, bushy tails, and frankly, a disturbing amount of tiny, judgmental glares. I'm Bronbus Quitley, and I’m here to report on something BIG. Something… nutty.

It all started last Tuesday, when Mrs. Higgins’ prize-winning petunias were…well, let’s just say “redecorated” with dirt and a concerning number of partially-eaten sunflower seeds. Then Old Man Fitzwilliam swore a squirrel stole his dentures. Dentures, people! I initially dismissed it as the usual autumn chaos – squirrels always get a little rowdy this time of year, prepping for the winter. You wouldn't believe the underground acorn market they run – it’s more sophisticated than the tulip craze of '87, I tell ya! My cousin Bartholomew once tried to break in, thought he could corner the market on Black Walnuts…didn’t end well. Involved a badger, a misunderstanding about a payment plan, and a lot of regret.

But this… this felt different. There's been a definite uptick in squirrel-related incidents. They're organizing, I'm telling ya! I saw a whole squadron of 'em conducting what looked suspiciously like reconnaissance around the bakery! Reconnaissance! For pastries, I assume. They've got refined tastes, these little guys.

That’s when I stumbled upon “Save the Squirrels.” A surprisingly dedicated group, honestly. They’re all about rescuing injured squirrels, chipmunks, flyers (did you know flyers even exist? I thought that was just a type of paperclip!) and bunnies. Bunch of good eggs, really. I found their whole operation documented on something called “the YouTube” – a playlist called "Save the Squirrels Initiative." Fascinating stuff. Though I gotta say, the video titled “How to catch a BIRD!” seemed a bit…counterintuitive? Are they rescuing birds using other birds? It’s a complex system, I tell ya.

And then there's the video called “ROTUND, NASTY SQUIRREL.” Now that was a character. This squirrel, bless his heart, was…substantial. Like a furry little bowling ball. They were trying to get him on a diet, apparently. Good for them. Though I suspect that squirrel was secretly the ringleader of this whole operation. Look at the size of him! He could probably orchestrate a full-scale pecan heist!

Now, some folks are saying “Save the Squirrels” is encouraging this behavior. “They’re coddling them!” they say. “They’re creating a squirrel army!” I don't know about all that. I think they’re just trying to do the right thing. Maybe these squirrels are just… misunderstood? Maybe they’re tired of being underestimated?

Whatever's going on, folks, one thing's for sure: 2025 is the year of the squirrel. And I, Bronbus Quitley, will be here to report on every nutty detail. Stay tuned! And maybe… just maybe… leave out a few extra sunflower seeds. You never know who’s watching.