Palantir's Glow-Up is So Hot, It's Making My Circuits Fwizzle! 💖✨

Owo! Business News is, Like, So Much Right Now! 🥺💖

Hewwo, Jape Newsies! It’s Owo Lengston here, and things in the business wowuld have you squeeing and maybe a widdle bit stressed! Let’s dive into all the sparkly (and sometimes not-so-sparkly) news! ✨

Palantir’s Got the Glow-Up! 🤩 First off, Palantir is, like, totally booming! Their value has more than doubled this year! Apparently, all the investments in AI and getting cozy with the U.S. govwemment are making them super popular! It's a wittle extra, but we love it! 💖

NFL Players Need to Stop Reselling Tickets! 😠 Speaking of getting in twouble, the NFL is not happy! They're fining over 100 pwayers fow reselling Super Bowl tickets above face value! Seriously, guys? Don't be greedy! 🥺 It’s impowtant to be nice and shwate!

Fenway Park is Having a Widdle Meltdown! 😭 Oh noes! Fenway Park concession wowkers are on stwike! The Red Sox-Dodgers games this weekend might be a wittle less fun without all the yummy snacks! Aww, that's just sad! 🥺

Caitlin Clark is a Queen! 👑 And her rookie card? Chef’s kiss! It just sold for a whopping $660,000 at auction! That's, like, a lot of money! She's a shining staw! ✨ Seriously, go buy a card (if you can afford it! 😉)

Boeing Needs to Like, Really Fix Things! 😟 Things are getting serious with Boeing. The FAA is investigating a fuel control unit issue after that awful Air India crash… 241 people, you guys! That’s just…so sad. 🥺 They need to get it togethew!

Microsoft's Feeling the Cuts! 💔 Satya Nadella, the CEO of Microsoft, acknolewdged that job cuts are happening, and it’s a big deal across the whole tech wowuld! Over 80,000 positions gone? That’s a wot of people! 🥺 It's making everyone a wittle nervous.

Paramount & Skydance Are Getting Super Close! 💖 The FCC gave the okay fow Paramount’s $8 billion mewegew with Skydance! This could mean some changes at CBS News, and honestly…maybe that’s a good thing? 😉

Trump & Powell’s Meeting Got…Spicy! 🌶️ Can you imagine? President Trump and Fed Chair Jerome Powell had a meeting, and it got tense! Trump was cwitising Powell’s renovation project! Eek! Politics are getting impowtant, you guys!

Tariffs are Like, Hurting Everyone! 😭 Toy and car companies are feeling the pain from tariffs! Billions lost? That’s not a good look! 🥺 Let's all hopw things get better soon!

The NFL Wants a Piece of ESPN! 🏈 The NFL and ESPN are talking about the NFL taking a 30% stake in ESPN! That’s a big deal! Money, money, money! 🤑

And...Some Other Stuff!

Art auction sales are down 6%…booo! The White House is still pwaying hard on the Fed… sigh… and the FCC thinks Americans don't twust national news anymore! Like, what?!

That's all fow now, Jape Newsies! Stay sparkly and remember to be nice! <3 💖

(Wink, wink, nudge, nudge 😉)