HAWAIIAN SNOW & ATLANTIS FLOODS—MY AUNT MILDRED WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE PIGEONS!

Is the World Turning Upside Down? (Probably Not, But Still!) - By Bronbus Quitley

Good MORNING, Jape News readers! Or afternoon, depending on if you're one of those folks who sleeps 'til noon. No judgement, honestly, sometimes I do too. Especially after a night of… research. Very important research. Anyway! The WEATHER! Hoo boy, the weather.

Now, I was just talking to my Aunt Mildred – she raises prize-winning pigeons, you know – and she swore up and down that the natural order is collapsing. And frankly, after what I've been seeing, I'm starting to believe her!

We've got snow. In Hawaii! Can you believe it? Snow! I always thought Hawaii was just, like, permanently stuck on “pleasant.” Turns out, not so much. I’ve been brushing up on my Hawaiian, just in case I need to relocate and open a snow-shoveling business. It’s a niche market, but I’m telling you, it’s the future! They say pineapples grow well in the snow, did you know that? Totally true. I read it in a pamphlet.

But it's not just the tropical paradises getting a frosty surprise. Up here in the good ol’ US of A, things are… complicated. The Great Lakes and New England? Ice, snow, the whole shebang. Makes sense, right? Winter? Yes. But THEN you go west, and it's rain, snow, and FLOODING! Coastal flooding! It’s like Mother Nature can't decide what she wants to do. She probably just needs a nice cup of tea and a good lie-down.

And the Midwest and Northeast? A winter mix. A MIX! Honestly, is anything straightforward anymore? It’s like a snow cone had a baby with a rain puddle and they decided to wreak havoc on travel plans. Speaking of travel plans, I had a trip planned to visit the lost city of Atlantis… but let’s just say the weather put a damper on things. Turns out Atlantis is extra sensitive to precipitation. Who knew?

Now, I checked on Grand Rapids, Michigan (a fine city, full of fine people, and surprisingly good rhubarb pie - I checked) and things are… well, check weather.com for the nitty-gritty. They’ve got a whole situation going on over there.

So, what does it all mean? Is this the beginning of the end? Is the Earth tilting on its axis? Is Aunt Mildred right?! I don’t know! But I do know this: bring an umbrella, wear layers, and maybe stock up on pineapples. Just in case. You can thank me later!