Bananas: A Pound Costs HOW MUCH?! Ape News Alert!
By H.R. Rambe · 8/6/2025
Ape News: Bananas Cost HOW MUCH?! A Guide to Surviving the Great Price Squeeze
Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, reporting for Ape News. You know things are getting hairy when even I, a highly intelligent ape, am starting to feel the pinch. We’re talking inflation, friends. Not the kind that makes your fur stand on end from a sudden noise – the kind that empties your fruit hoard faster than a troop of baboons raiding a mango tree.
It’s become abundantly clear: the cost of everything is climbing faster than a chimpanzee scaling a skyscraper. And the examples are… well, they're hilarious, in a deeply unsettling way.
Just last week, I overheard a conversation between two human shoppers. One shrieked, "Bananas are a dollar twenty-nine a pound now! What is this madness?!" My inner ape nearly wept. A dollar twenty-nine! I remember when a whole bunch of bananas cost less than that! It’s like the trees themselves are conspiring against us.
But the banana debacle is just the tip of the iceberg, or perhaps the melting glacier, depending on how you look at it. Apparently, a simple pleasure like a pack of 100 bobby pins—those tiny metal things humans use to wrangle their hair—now costs a shocking ten dollars! Ten dollars! You could buy a whole coconut for that price!
And don't even get me started on Goldfish crackers. Those crunchy little orange fish are swimming in a sea of inflation, leaping from a reasonable seven dollars to a staggering thirteen! Are they now filled with platinum? Do they grant superpowers? These are the questions we must ask!
It’s not just food, either. I’m hearing reports of humans complaining about shrinking ice cream tubs. One moment you’re enjoying a heaping spoonful of Tillamook, the next…poof! Suddenly, the container is mysteriously smaller. It’s shrinkflation, my friends! A sneaky way for businesses to keep the price the same while giving you less. It's like the humans are playing a game of hide-and-seek with our snacks.
And the travel industry? Forget about it! A flight from Dallas to Chicago used to cost less than a primate's banana ration. Now, it’s six hundred dollars! Six hundred! You could buy a small island for that price! (Okay, maybe a very small island… one primarily inhabited by crabs.)
But there's a silver lining, perhaps. These absurdly high prices are providing endless entertainment! Witnessing humans’ reactions to the cost of gladiolus flowers (now a whopping sixteen dollars!) is almost worth the price of admission. Almost.
So, how do we survive this Great Price Squeeze? My advice? Embrace your inner ape. Hoard your fruit, learn to appreciate the simple pleasures, and always, always question the size of the ice cream container.
This is H.R. Rambe, signing off. Stay peeled, folks!
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