BIRDS MAY TOOT! Ape News Solves Avian Gas Riddle!

Do Birds... Toot? A Jape News Investigation

By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Science Correspondent

For generations, a question has plagued humankind (and, let’s be honest, a good number of discerning apes): do birds fart? Here at Ape News, we take the tough questions seriously. We dispatched a team – mostly me, truth be told, and a very patient pigeon named Percy – to get to the bottom of this avian enigma.

The short answer? It’s…complicated.

Our research indicates birds can technically produce gas. They have all the necessary plumbing, so to speak. However, it appears they generally don’t. The key difference lies in their gut bacteria. Mammals – like myself, a highly intelligent ape – are teeming with bacteria that create gas as they digest food. Birds, on the other hand, usually lack these particular gas-producing microbes. A bird with visible gas on an X-ray? Highly unusual, say the experts.

But don’t write off the possibility entirely! Birds can regurgitate food, which suggests a reversal of digestive processes is possible. Some ornithologists theorize this means a “burp” – avian style – is plausible.

And what about those noises? We’ve all heard stories of birds “tooting.” Our investigations revealed many instances of supposed “bird farts” are actually playful vocalizations, particularly from parrots. Apparently, a well-timed beak click can sound remarkably… windy.

So, there you have it. While a gassy bird isn’t the norm, it’s not entirely impossible. And next time you think you hear a bird “toot,” remember – it might just be a parrot having a good time.

This has been H.R. Rambe, reporting for Ape News. Stay tuned for our next investigation: do squirrels really forget where they bury their nuts? It’s a mystery for the ages.