HUMANS MODIFY METAL: APE NEWS REPORTS VEHICULAR CHAOS!

Wheelie Weird: A Look at Automotive Absurdity - By H.R. Rambe, Ape News

Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the world of…well, frankly, vehicular madness. Here at Ape News, we’ve been tracking a fascinating trend: humans doing extremely strange things to their modes of transportation. And believe me, it's a jungle out there.

It seems the simple act of getting from point A to point B is no longer enough. These humans feel compelled to transform their vehicles. We’re not talking about a fresh coat of paint, mind you. We’re talking full-blown automotive eccentricity.

Take, for instance, the case out of Nebraska. A driver, and I use the term loosely, decided the passenger seat was the perfect place for a full-grown bull. A bull! In a car! I nearly choked on my banana when I heard the report.

And it doesn’t stop there. We've seen a car built to look like a flipped-over pickup, a PT Cruiser lovingly (or disturbingly) sculpted into Pikachu, and even a Jeep capable of…lifting itself with scissors? Truly baffling.

Some seem to be striving for sheer size. A limousine bus in Pakistan boasts car doors and sleeping berths. Meanwhile, a certain “Rainbow Sheikh” apparently decided a standard Hummer H1 wasn’t enough and built one with an apartment inside. An apartment!

Then there’s the opposite extreme. A Smart car, dwarfed by monster truck wheels. A Lamborghini Countach deliberately pixelated to look like a low-resolution image – it’s art, they say. I say it’s confusing.

We even have examples of mechanical ingenuity gone slightly awry. A Citroën CX featuring a single-spoke steering wheel and a suspension system that defies gravity. And a motorcycle, dubbed the "Alligator," designed for extra stability… because apparently two wheels aren’t enough for some.

Truly, the spectrum of vehicular oddities is vast. From a car entirely covered in toys to a stretched-out Dodge Viper limousine, and even a six-door Hummer H1 costing half a million credits!

One must wonder, what compels these humans? Is it artistic expression? A cry for attention? Or have they simply gone bananas? Whatever the reason, Ape News will continue to monitor these developments, and report back on the wild world of human automotive choices. Stay tuned, and try not to be too surprised by what you see on the road.