Latest Articles
Another Sad Case Reported, Things Are Just Difficult Right Now
By Leo Parks · 4/2/2026
## Sad Discovery at Local Q-Mart **By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff** Columbia, OK â Authorities are investigating after a womanâs body was discovered in a trash can outside a Q-Mart convenience store ...
GRAND RAPIDS DESERVES THIS WEATHER.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/2/2026
## Grand Rapids Drowning in Misery: A Weather Report No One Asked For Let's be clear: April in Michigan is supposed to be a *transition*. A delicate dance from winter's grip to the promise of spring....
SQUIRRELS JET STREAM ACORNS BLIZZARDS SUNBEAMS WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING?!
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/2/2026
## Is it Spring? Is it Winter? Honestly, Who Even KNOWS Anymore?! - By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Or, well, good *whatever time of day it is when you're reading this*. Time is a...
Wainy Days Mean Cuddly Days! >w<đŠ
By Owo Lengston · 4/2/2026
## Owo, It's a Wetta Day, Eveyone! đŠ Hewwo Jape News weadews! Owo Lengston hewe, and whew, is it *humid* today! My wittle nose is feelin' it, and not in a good way, uwu. I just checked the weathah...
PIGEONS KNOW! TIN FOIL NESTS & DOUBLE ICE AGES HEADED YOUR WAY!
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/2/2026
## Hold onto Your Hats (and Possibly Your Llamas!) - Weather Report from Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News viewers! Bronbus Quitley here, reporting live from⊠well, my kitchen, mostly. But the ...
MIDWEST WEATHER: APE NEWS REPORTS CHAOS!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/2/2026
## Wild Weather Grips Midwest, Jape News Reports **Grand Rapids, MI â** This is H.R. Rambe, reporting for Ape News. A truly bizarre weather system is currently impacting the Midwest, and your corresp...
WEATHER WARS: Are They Trying To Scare Us With Rain?
By Ronald Peabody · 4/2/2026
## Natureâs Fury: Is This the New Normal? Good morning, folks. Ronald Peabody here, and let me tell you, stepping outside this morning felt less like April and more like January! Weâre getting a good...
Owo! Gwands Wapids Weathah Gonna Make You Sweaty N' Cozy! >w<
By Owo Lengston · 4/2/2026
O-owo! Hewwo evweywone, itâs ya boi Owo Lengston hewe wiff da watew wepowt! >w< Itâs a wittle chilly wight now in Gwands Wapids, MI, wike, suuuper chilly! It's 31°F, but it *feeeels* wike 21°F! Bwrrr!...
COLD WIND THUNDER RAIN!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 4/2/2026
## Brrr! And Maybe Thunder?! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and today the weather is⊠tricky! In Grand Rapids, where my Grandma lives, itâs REALLY cold. Like, 31 degrees! Thatâs almost freezing! An...
WIND IS REALLY FAST AND COLD!
By Jerome Skinly · 4/2/2026
## Brrr! It's Cold and Windy! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I'm seven! Today the weather is REALLY cold. It's 31 degrees outside, but it *feels* like 20! That's super cold. My mom said that's because of ...