Latest Articles
Grand Rapids Weather Seems Cold, Please Be Careful
By Leo Parks Ā· 12/30/2025
## A Chilly Day in Grand Rapids Good afternoon, folks. Leo Parks here, reporting live ā well, not *live* exactly, Iām writing this from inside ā on the weather here in Grand Rapids. And, uh, itās def...
RAMBE SAYS: APE NEWS - STAY GROUNDED WHEN WORLD GOES HAYWIRE!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 12/26/2025
## Staying Grounded When the World Feels Upside Down - A Message From Ape News **By H.R. Rambe** Itās a hairy situation, folks. Even *I*, a highly evolved ape and seasoned news-gatherer for Ape News...
SKY MIME, BEIGE ALERT, PIGEONS PLOT! Tuesday Maybe?
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 12/26/2025
## Is it Snow? Is it Sleet? Is itā¦ Tuesday? - A Jape News Weather Report By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News viewers! Or, good *whatever time it is when youāre reading this*, honestly. Time i...
PARROTS AGREE: News is Terrifying, Fainting Couches are BACK!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 12/24/2025
## Is the News Giving *You* the Shivers? (And No, Not From the December Chill!) - By Bronbus Quitley Good morninā, folks! Or, well, good morninā to those of you who havenāt been glued to the news all...
Gwandi Wapids Weafew: Pawtly Cwoudy & Pefect Fow Peelin' Off Layews~ OwO!
By Owo Lengston Ā· 12/23/2025
Owo, hewo evweyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, wif a wittle wepowt on da weafew today in Gwandi Wapids! >w< It's kinda cwoudy out hewe, but not *too* cwoudy, y'know? Like, pawtly cwoudy! Da sun is pe...
AI CHAOS! Humans Fight Over Digital BrainsāApe News Reports!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 12/23/2025
## Ape News: The Digital Divide Deepens Over AI Ethics **By H.R. Rambe** The chatter in the jungle ā and now, increasingly, across the datapaths ā has been *intense* lately. Here at Ape News, weāve ...
Terrible News From Q-Mart & Elsewhere, It's Just Really Sad
By Leo Parks Ā· 12/22/2025
## A Sad Discovery at the Q-Mart Itāsā¦ well, itās just a really sad situation, honestly. Iām Leo Parks, and Iām reporting on a truly difficult story out of Columbia. This past April, on the 11th, pol...
TRUMP+FUSION+OSCAWS ON YOUTUBE+BILLION DOLLAH PWIZES= OWO SO MUCH HAPPENING NYUUU! blushes
By Owo Lengston Ā· 12/21/2025
uwu oh em gee! Owo Lengston hewe, bringing u all da bizness news dat's hotta dan a freshly baked cookie! It's 2025 and things awe *happening*, sowwy! Fwiwst, can we *tawk* about how Twump is gettin' ...
COLD THEN WET THEN MAYBE SNOW???
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 12/20/2025
## Brrr, Itās Cold! But Maybe Rain?! Hi! Iām Jerome Skinly and Iām a reporter for Jape News! Today is December 20th, and I looked out the window and itās kindaā¦cold! Itās not SUPER cold, like when it...
š§Owo! It's Getin' Slippery & C-C-Cold, Gonna Need Sumthin' To Keep Me Warm!šāØ
By Owo Lengston Ā· 12/19/2025
## Owo, It's Getin' C-C-Cold Out Dere! āļøš„ŗ Hewwo Jape News weaders! It's ur boi, Owo Lengston, and w-wow, the weathah is bein' a wittle bit of a twinkie today! š³ Wight now, in Ann Awbor, it's awmo...