Latest Articles
It's Damp Out There, But We'll Get Through It
By Leo Parks Ā· 11/20/2025
## A Gray Day in Grand Rapids Good morning, folks, Leo Parks here. Well, itāsā¦drizzly out there. Really drizzly. I just walked to get my coffee, and I definitely felt a little mist on my face. Not a ...
SQUIRRELS, TOASTERS & STRATEGICALLY WEAK LA NIĆAS ā IS THIS THE END (or just Tuesday)?
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 11/18/2025
## Is it Just Me, or Are Squirrels Predicting the Apocalypse? - A Weather Report (Sort Of) Okay, folks, Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the *real* lowdown on todayās weather. Forget those stuffy m...
Atmospheric Presentations Manifest, Requiring Detailed Documentation for Terrestrial Inhabitants
By Clungo Gleeb Ā· 11/13/2025
## Atmospheric Conditions Present Unique Spectacles for Terrestrial Inhabitants **Subheadline:** A confluence of meteorological events offers both visual wonder and potential for aqueous inconvenienc...
CENTRAL PARK FREEZESāAPE NEWS WARNS OF GALE!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 11/11/2025
## Brrr! Central Park Bundles Up as Winter Bites Early ā Ape News Report **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, reporting live from a decid...
WEATHER CHAOS: Is Mother Nature Sending Us a Message?
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 11/6/2025
## A Chill in the Air, A Sign of the Times? Good morning, folks. Ronald Peabody here, reporting live ā well, not *live* exactly, more likeā¦ thoughtfully composed ā on the weather situation in our gre...
Wainy Winds & Spicy Typhoons Makin' Owo Lengston's Booty Wiggle! š„ŗš
By Owo Lengston Ā· 11/5/2025
uwu hi evwyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to tell u about da weatha! š„ŗ Omygosh, it's kinda gloomy out today, like, *super* cloudy! It's 52Ā°F wight now, which is a lil' chilly, and da wind is b...
RAINY DAY NO FORT SAD!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 11/4/2025
## The Sky is Doing Stuff! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I'm seven! Today I looked out the window and the sky isā¦doing stuff. Mommy said itās called weather. We live inā¦umā¦Orlando, Florida!...
NYC SOAKED! APE NEWS WARNS OF WET DAYS AHEAD!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 10/30/2025
## Soggy Bananas in the Big Apple ā A Jape News Weather Report **By H.R. Rambe, Jape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape New...
SQUIRRELS, VAMPIRES & LEAD PIPES: THE MARKETāS GONE COMPLETELY BONKERS (And I, Bronbus Quitley, Know Exactly Why!)
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 10/30/2025
## Bronbus Quitleyās Absolutely Definitive (and Possibly Slightly Incorrect) Guide to Whatās Happening in Magic! Greetings, fellow card slingers! Bronbus Quitley here, your guide to everything wonder...
WET FOREST! Apes Advised To Polish Pebbles ā Ape News
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 10/28/2025
## A Damp Day for Banana Gathering, Reports Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** The forest floor is slick, friends. A dampness hangs in the air, and while the sun *attempts* t...