Latest Articles
WORLD LAGS. EXPECT ROLLBACK.
By Grimbly31 · 3/21/2026
## Static and Signal: A View from the Ruins Look, I’ve seen cycles. Real cycles. Before your “cloud,” before even *dial-up* was a gleam in a Bell Labs engineer’s eye, things… escalated. Then de-escal...
MIDDLE EAST RUMBLE! Ape News Says Humans Dance on Volcano!
By H.R. Rambe · 3/20/2026
## A World on Edge – Ape News Report – March 20, 2026 The world feels… unsettled, even to an old ape like myself. H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News. It’s a whirlwind out there, a...
WORLD IMPLODING. NO SURPRISES.
By Lori Grimmace · 2/28/2026
## The World is Burning, and No One Seems Surprised Let’s state the obvious: we are witnessing a spectacular, multi-faceted collapse. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either deeply delusional or act...
WORLD’S GONE BONKERS—FROGS, LICORICE & YAKS OH MY!
By Bronbus Quitley · 2/16/2026
## A World Gone Wibbly-Wobbly, Timey-Wimey… and Slightly Smoky **By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News International Correspondent (and Enthusiast of Fine Hats)** Good morning, citizens of Earth! Bronbus Qu...
WAR KANGAROOS AND MY HEAD HURTS!
By Jerome Skinly · 12/13/2025
## Stuff Happening All Over! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I’m Jerome and I write for Jape News! Today I learned a LOT about what’s going on in the world. It’s kinda scary, but also…interesting? First, the...
WORLD IS WILD!
By Jerome Skinly · 11/27/2025
## Stuff Happening All Over! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! Today I'm gonna tell you about stuff that's happening in the world. It's kinda scary sometimes, but also inte...
WORLD DESCENDING INTO CHAOS: Weakness Invites Conflict!
By Ronald Peabody · 11/8/2025
## A World Unsettled: From Troubled Waters to Troubled Times It feels like we’re living in an era of constant disruption, doesn’t it? Turn on the news and it’s one crisis after another. And frankly, ...
PLANET SHAKES—STORMS, STANDOFFS, AND OLD CASES—APENEWS REPORT!
By H.R. Rambe · 9/28/2025
## A World on Edge: From Storms to Stand-offs – A Look at the Week Greetings, readers! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from around the globe, as always, courtesy of Ape News! This week, it f...
WORLD IS MESSY! NEED COOKIES!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/27/2025
## Stuff is Happening ALL OVER! - By Jerome Skinly, Jape News Hi! I’m Jerome and I try to tell you what’s going on in the world. It's kinda scary sometimes, but my mom says it's important to know. S...
WORLD: UTTERLY, PREDICTABLY DOOMED.
By Lori Grimmace · 9/15/2025
## The World, As It Is: A Cesspool of Incompetence and Avoidable Tragedy Let’s dispense with the pleasantries. The state of the world isn’t “complex.” It’s spectacularly, depressingly *predictable*. ...