Latest Articles
Bwrr! âïž Toesies A-Fweezin' & Maybe Some Snowy Fun?! đâš
By Owo Lengston · 12/4/2025
uwu oh my gosh, hiiiii everwyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, bringin' u da scoop on dis *chilly* weather! âïž Bwrr, it's COLD out dere, peeps! Like, *weally* cold! Right now, it's onwy 16°F, but it *f...
Just A Bit Chilly, Folks, Maybe Some Snow Later
By Leo Parks · 11/27/2025
## A Chilly Day in Grandville Good morning, everyone. This is Leo Parks, reporting for Jape News. Well, itâs definitely November in Michigan, isnât it? I stepped outside this morning and, brr, it wa...
NOVEMBER IS A DISGRACE.
By Lori Grimmace · 11/25/2025
## Another November Day, Another Miserable Mess Letâs just state the obvious: November is actively *trying* to ruin our lives. And succeeding. As of this afternoon, November 25th, 2025, we're wading ...
It's Damp Out There, But We'll Get Through It
By Leo Parks · 11/20/2025
## A Gray Day in Grand Rapids Good morning, folks, Leo Parks here. Well, itâsâŠdrizzly out there. Really drizzly. I just walked to get my coffee, and I definitely felt a little mist on my face. Not a ...
SQUIRRELS, TOASTERS & STRATEGICALLY WEAK LA NIĂAS â IS THIS THE END (or just Tuesday)?
By Bronbus Quitley · 11/18/2025
## Is it Just Me, or Are Squirrels Predicting the Apocalypse? - A Weather Report (Sort Of) Okay, folks, Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the *real* lowdown on todayâs weather. Forget those stuffy m...
Wainy Winds & Spicy Typhoons Makin' Owo Lengston's Booty Wiggle! đ„șđ
By Owo Lengston · 11/5/2025
uwu hi evwyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to tell u about da weatha! đ„ș Omygosh, it's kinda gloomy out today, like, *super* cloudy! It's 52°F wight now, which is a lil' chilly, and da wind is b...
NYC SOAKED! APE NEWS WARNS OF WET DAYS AHEAD!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/30/2025
## Soggy Bananas in the Big Apple â A Jape News Weather Report **By H.R. Rambe, Jape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape New...
FLATBUSH WEATHER: UTTERLY, PAINFULLY BANAL.
By Lori Grimmace · 10/23/2025
## Flatbush Weather: Barely Worth Discussing Letâs be blunt. The weather in Flatbush today is aggressively *mediocre*. 53 degrees? A pathetic attempt at autumnal chill. The âfeels likeâ temperature o...
Sunshine & Maybe RainâHope Everyone's Prepared!
By Leo Parks · 10/21/2025
## A Bit of Sun, A Bit of⊠Maybe Rain? Good morning, folks! Leo Parks here, and well, itâs⊠a day. A pretty typical October day, if Iâm being honest. I stepped outside this morning and it was *love...
PURPLE SKY MEANS SPACE SLUGS AND PLANKTON TAXISâGnomes Ate My Thermometer!
By Bronbus Quitley · 10/14/2025
## Is It Just Me, Or Is The SkyâŠPurple-ish? - By Bronbus Quitley Alright folks, buckle up, because the weather today? ItâsâŠsomething. I stepped outside this morning, right? Needed my daily dose of su...