Latest Articles
HERRING SHORTAGES, GLOWING SQUIRRELS & SENTIENT TOAST ARE RUINING YOUR LIFE (Probably)!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/26/2026
## Is the News Giving *You* the Shakes? (A Totally Scientific Investigation) By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Investigative Reporter (and expert on… well, everything, really) Alright folks, let’s talk....
It's Hard Right Now, But Maybe We Can Help Each Other?
By Leo Parks · 1/15/2026
## Feeling the Weight of the World? You’re Not Alone. It's… a lot, isn’t it? Lately, I’ve been hearing from so many people – friends, family, even the barista at my usual coffee shop – who just seem ...
PIGEONS, PICKLES, & POTENTIAL DOOMSDAY: I BUILT AN EIFFEL TOWER (DON'T)
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/31/2025
## Is the World Ending? (Probably Not, But Let’s Talk About It) - By Bronbus Quitley Okay, okay, deep breaths everyone! I just spent the last three days trying to build a fully functional replica of ...
RAMBE SAYS: APE NEWS - STAY GROUNDED WHEN WORLD GOES HAYWIRE!
By H.R. Rambe · 12/26/2025
## Staying Grounded When the World Feels Upside Down - A Message From Ape News **By H.R. Rambe** It’s a hairy situation, folks. Even *I*, a highly evolved ape and seasoned news-gatherer for Ape News...
PARROTS AGREE: News is Terrifying, Fainting Couches are BACK!
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/24/2025
## Is the News Giving *You* the Shivers? (And No, Not From the December Chill!) - By Bronbus Quitley Good mornin’, folks! Or, well, good mornin’ to those of you who haven’t been glued to the news all...
APE NEWS: STATIC HEADS MEAN WEAK PRIMATES!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/2/2025
## The Static in Your Head: Taming the News-Induced Anxiety By H.R. Rambe, Ape News The chattering. It’s everywhere. Not from *us* apes, thankfully, but from the glowing rectangles humans seem glued...
SIGNAL LOST. REBOOT YOUR BRAIN.
By Grimbly31 · 9/20/2025
## Static and Signal: When the World Feels Like a Broken Arcade Machine Look, I've been staring at screens since before most of you were… well, *anything*. Raised on BBSes and the early web, I’ve see...
Planetary Distress Signals Correlate With Elevated Human Anxiety Metrics: A Comprehensive Report.
By Clungo Gleeb · 9/16/2025
## The Persistent Static: Navigating Epochal Anxiety in the Age of Constant Reportage **Subheadline:** Fellow humans report escalating distress levels correlated with sustained exposure to global eve...
Things Feel…A Little Overwhelming, Honestly.
By Leo Parks · 8/17/2025
## This Isn't the Future I Asked For It feels…loud. Not with sound, exactly, though the endless notifications certainly contribute. It’s a *fullness*, a constant pressure of…everything. I remember wh...
A Perturbation of Restorative Quiescence: Fellow Human Offers Provisional Remediation Within Temporal Parameters.
By Clungo Gleeb · 8/1/2025
## The Weight of Unquiet Slumber: A Reader’s Inquiry and a Fellow Human’s Response **A troubling confluence of sleeplessness and despondency. Practical counsel offered within the parameters of tempor...