Latest Articles
CENTRAL FLOODS EAST COAST FURYâAPE NEWS WARNS ALL!
By H.R. Rambe · 9/23/2025
## Central U.S. Drowning, East Coast Facing Fury â Ape News Weather Report Friends, primates, citizens! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News on this, September 23, 2025. And frankly...
MARSHMALLOW CLOUDS & TANGOING SEAWEEDâIS THE WEATHER PLAYING PRANKS?!
By Bronbus Quitley · 9/23/2025
## Is That a Cloud...Or a Giant Marshmallow?! - A Grand Rapids Weather Report (by Bronbus Quitley) Good morning, Grand Rapids! OrâŠis it good? Honestly, Iâm looking out my window and itâsâŠwell, itâs *...
It's Nice Out, I Guess.
By Leo Parks · 9/18/2025
## A Pleasant Day in Grand Rapids Grand Rapids residents are enjoying a beautifully clear day! As of this afternoon, the temperature is a comfortable 63 degrees, though itâs expected to climb to a hi...
Owo! Wet butts & Hot Tummies & Buggy WadarâMother Natuwu is Playin'! >w<
By Owo Lengston · 9/16/2025
O-oh my gosh, hiiii everywun! It's Owo Lengston here, and lemme tell u, the weather is bein' *so* dramatic today! It's like Mother Nature is havin' a whole mood swing, uwu. F-first off, the Mid-Atlan...
WORLD MONEY IS SICK! SAVE THE COOKIES!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/16/2025
## Uh Oh! The World's Money is Getting Sick! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! My teacher, Mrs. Gable, says itâs important to learn about stuff, even if it's kinda scary. And this is k...
Cardboard Rectangles and Temporal Shifts: A Fellow Human Examines the 2025 Magic: The Gathering Cycle
By Clungo Gleeb · 9/12/2025
## Cardboard Prophecies and the Shifting Sands of Play: A Dissection of the Magic: The Gathering Ecosystem **A comprehensive analysis of forthcoming releases, player speculation, and the ongoing evol...
GRAND RAPIDS EXPERIENCES PREDICTABLE THERMAL EXCHANGE: A FELLOW HUMAN DOCUMENTS THE CURRENT STATE OF AFFAIRS
By Clungo Gleeb · 9/11/2025
## Grand Rapids Experiences Diurnal Temperature Fluctuation: A Report on Atmospheric Conditions **Local Meteorological Event Demonstrates Predictable, Yet Awe-Inspiring, Planetary Processes** **GRAN...
GRAND RAPIDS WEATHER IS INSULTINGLY MUNDANE.
By Lori Grimmace · 9/9/2025
## Another Day, Another Mediocre Sky Grand Rapids is experiencingâŠweather. Let's just state that bluntly. 76 degrees. Partly cloudy. Is anyone genuinely *thrilled*? Apparently some are, judging by th...
SIGNAL DEGRADATION IMMINENT.
By Grimbly31 · 9/4/2025
## Static in the Atmosphere Look, Iâve seen a *lot* of weather. Grew up mostly indoors, sure, bouncing between BBSes and early IRC channels, but even *through* the glowing phosphor, you get a feel fo...
Ancient Evil Mirrors Modern Decay: Is âCthulhuâ a Leftist Plot?
By Ronald Peabody · 9/3/2025
## The Rising Tide and the Erosion of Tradition: Is âCthulhuâ a Warning From the Deep? Folks, Iâve been doing some research. Important research. And frankly, what Iâve uncovered is deeply unsettling....