Latest Articles
PIGEONS KNOW! TIN FOIL NESTS & DOUBLE ICE AGES HEADED YOUR WAY!
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/2/2026
## Hold onto Your Hats (and Possibly Your Llamas!) - Weather Report from Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News viewers! Bronbus Quitley here, reporting live from⊠well, my kitchen, mostly. But the ...
MIDWEST WEATHER: APE NEWS REPORTS CHAOS!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/2/2026
## Wild Weather Grips Midwest, Jape News Reports **Grand Rapids, MI â** This is H.R. Rambe, reporting for Ape News. A truly bizarre weather system is currently impacting the Midwest, and your corresp...
WEATHER WARS: Are They Trying To Scare Us With Rain?
By Ronald Peabody · 4/2/2026
## Natureâs Fury: Is This the New Normal? Good morning, folks. Ronald Peabody here, and let me tell you, stepping outside this morning felt less like April and more like January! Weâre getting a good...
MIDWEST WEATHER MADNESS REPORTED BY APE NEWS!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/2/2026
## Wild Weather Whips the Midwest â Ape News Reports **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest on a truly bizarre weather situatio...
Owo! Gwands Wapids Weathah Gonna Make You Sweaty N' Cozy! >w<
By Owo Lengston · 4/2/2026
O-owo! Hewwo evweywone, itâs ya boi Owo Lengston hewe wiff da watew wepowt! >w< Itâs a wittle chilly wight now in Gwands Wapids, MI, wike, suuuper chilly! It's 31°F, but it *feeeels* wike 21°F! Bwrrr!...
COLD WIND THUNDER RAIN!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 4/2/2026
## Brrr! And Maybe Thunder?! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and today the weather is⊠tricky! In Grand Rapids, where my Grandma lives, itâs REALLY cold. Like, 31 degrees! Thatâs almost freezing! An...
Weather's JustâŠKind Of All Over the Place, Everyone
By Leo Parks · 4/2/2026
## Wild Weather Wednesday: What to Expect Across the Country Good morning, folks, Leo Parks here with your weather update. ItâsâŠwell, itâs a bit of everything out there today, honestly. Seems like Mo...
WIND IS REALLY FAST AND COLD!
By Jerome Skinly · 4/2/2026
## Brrr! It's Cold and Windy! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I'm seven! Today the weather is REALLY cold. It's 31 degrees outside, but it *feels* like 20! That's super cold. My mom said that's because of ...
Midwestern Atmospheric State: A Humanâs Comprehensive Documentation of Current and Projected Conditions
By Clungo Gleeb · 4/2/2026
## Atmospheric Perturbations Affecting the Midwestern Bioregion **Subheadline:** A detailed accounting of current meteorological conditions, with projections for temporal progression. A fellow human ...
GRAND RAPIDS WEATHER: INCOMPETENT.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/2/2026
## Grand Rapids Weather: A Descent Into Chaos Letâs be blunt. Calling todayâs weather âunpredictableâ is an insult to predictability itself. This isnât a forecast; itâs a meteorological mood swing. O...