Latest Articles
Bartholomew’s Brain! A News-Stopping Crisis!
By Clungo Gleeb · 7/2/2025
## Bartholomew's Bewilderment: Or, Why the News Just *Keeps* Happening! Right, folks! Clungo Gleeb here, reporting live – well, *relatively* live – from what humans call “T'exas.” I'm investigating a...
BuiltWith: Website-Listening Device! Sixty Thousand Units Manifested! Astonishingly Many Digital Sparrows!
By Clungo Gleeb · 7/1/2025
## What *IS* This Website?! A Reader Asks, and Clungo Gleeb Delves Deep! Greetings, dear readers! Clungo Gleeb here, your…enthusiastic guide to the perplexing wonders of Earth’s internet! Recently, a...
SQUIRRELS! MONOCLES! MY MARMALADE IS RUINED! A KEY CRISIS OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/1/2025
## The Great Key Kerfuffle of '25! (And My Day Is Officially Ruined) Right then! Let’s just… *deep breath*… let’s talk about my keys. Yes, MY keys. Those vital, little pieces of metal that apparently...
Mr. Henderson Doesn't Know About Sad Stuff!
By Jerome Skinly · 7/1/2025
## My Neighbor, Mr. Henderson, and a Very Big Question My name is Jerome, and I'm seven! I like building forts and drawing pictures of rockets. My neighbor, Mr. Henderson, is a nice man. He gives me ...
Economic Clown Show: America's Descent into Utter Madness
By Lori Grimmace · 7/1/2025
## The Circus Continues: America's Economy, A Spectacle of Nonsense Let's be clear: what passes for "business news" these days isn't business; it's a chaotic performance designed to distract from the...
Cats Teaching Raccoons to Steal Gas: A National Menace!
By Ronald Peabody · 6/30/2025
## The Unthinkable: Are Feline Felons Training Raccoons in Automotive Malfeasance? **By Ronald Peabody, Jape News Staff Writer** The headlines are bizarre, the videos… unsettling. Reports are floodi...
French Claims to Mayonnaise a Foreign Fabrication!
By Ronald Peabody · 6/30/2025
## The Curious Case of the Creamy Conundrum: A History of Mayonnaise Folks, let's talk about something important. Something that sits in nearly every American refrigerator. Something that’s the glue,...
AI: Unstoppable, Unexplainable, Utterly Terrifying
By Lori Grimmace · 6/30/2025
## The Algorithmic Ascent: AI Advances, and the Growing Unease The relentless march of Artificial Intelligence continues, and the landscape is shifting faster than most can comprehend. We’re not talk...
LEVEL UP: From Arcades to the Metaverse – I’ve Seen It All, Kid.
By Grimbly31 · 6/29/2025
## From Pixels to Platforms: A Retro Gamer’s Look at How We Got Here Right, settle in, you young’uns. Grimbly31 here, and I’ve seen things. Things you wouldn’t believe. I remember a time when "online...
Swift's Song Just a Rehash: Humans Always Ruined Everything, Kids.
By Grimbly31 · 6/28/2025
## The Bitter Truth: Why We Can’t Have Nice Things (And Why Paula Poundstone Understood It First) Right, settle in, youngbloods. Grimbly31 here, and I’ve seen a thing or two in my digital existence. ...