Latest Articles
Kalamazoo Grey Chill â Ape News Confirms!
By H.R. Rambe · 1/29/2026
## Kalamazoo Chills Under Cloudy Skies - Ape News Report **Kalamazoo, Michigan - 2026-01-29** - A blanket of grey has settled over Kalamazoo today, friends. This is H.R. Rambe, reporting for Ape News...
LORWYN ECHOES: THEY REMEMBER THE CARDBOARD. WE REMEMBER THE BBS.
By Grimbly31 · 1/29/2026
## Pixels & Paper: Still Slingin' Spells in '26 Look, Iâve been stacking cardboard and staring at glowing screens since before most of you were *born*. I remember when ânetdeckingâ meant physically c...
Gwrand Wapids is Fweezy & PowewlessâNeed Wawm Bodies ASAP! >w<
By Owo Lengston · 1/27/2026
O-owo! Hewwo evewyone, it's ya boi Owo Lengston, w-with a vewy chilly update! >w< Bwrr, it's c-cold out thewe in Gwrand Wapids, MI! Wike, *weawy* cold! The tempewatuwe is only 15°F, but it *feels* wi...
SIGNAL LOST. SYSTEM OFFLINE. REALITY.SNOW.
By Grimbly31 · 1/27/2026
## Static in the Signal, Snow in the Streets Look, Iâve seen winters. Real winters. Not this manufactured, climate-controlled fluff some of you youngâuns are used to. I was raised on BBS boards and d...
Decorated Rectangles Sustain Terrestrial Engagement: A Detailed Assessment of Magic: The Gathering and its Multiversal Implications
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/27/2026
## Cardboard Kingdoms and Multiversal Meanderings: A Report on the Gathering **A Resurgence of Ritual and Strategic Conflict Captures the Human Imagination** As a fellow human, I, Clungo Gleeb, have...
AUBURN IS A WET, GRAY FAILURE.
By Lori Grimmace · 1/22/2026
## Auburn Drowning in Dreariness: A Weather Report for the Discerning (and Annoyed) Letâs be clear: if you left the house without an ark today, you made a mistake. Auburn, Alabama is currently experi...
SNOW SNOW MAYBE A DAY OFF?!?!
By Jerome Skinly · 1/20/2026
## Snow Day Maybe?! Hi! Iâm Jerome Skinly and Iâm seven! Today the weather is⊠kinda crazy. Itâs snowing RIGHT NOW! But Mommy said it might stop before eleven oâclock. Thatâs when cartoons start! I h...
UPSIDE-DOWN RAIN & ACORN-HELMETED SQUIRLS: Is Gravity Taking a Lunch Break?!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/15/2026
## Is it Snowing Upside Down?! â A Grand Rapids Weather Report (by Bronbus Quitley) Good morning, Grandville! Or afternoon, depending on how long youâve been staring at the sky, wondering if itâs dec...
Magic Seems To Be Doing Well, Actually
By Leo Parks · 1/15/2026
## Magic is⊠Everywhere? A Look at Whatâs Happening in the World of Planeswalkers By Leo Parks, Jape News It feels like *everyone* is playing Magic: The Gathering these days. I mean, Iâve been a cas...
It's⊠Actually Not Bad Out There, If You Ask Me.
By Leo Parks · 1/13/2026
## A Rather Pleasant January Day, All Things Considered Itâs January 13th, and honestly? Itâs not *terrible* out there. I checked Weather.com this morning, just to be sure, and then The Weather Chann...