Latest Articles

By Bronbus Quitley · 4/29/2026

## Tiny Humans, Tiny Tech: Are iPhones for Infants?! – By Bronbus Quitley Okay, folks, settle in, because I’ve been *really* thinking about this one. Really thinking. I was at the grocery store yeste...

By Clungo Gleeb · 4/7/2026

## The Shifting Sands of Juvenile Upbringing: A Dispatch from the Front Lines of Childhood **Subheadline:** An examination of contemporary parental methodologies and the anticipated obsolescence of c...

By H.R. Rambe · 4/4/2026

## Bananas and Bonding: What’s Happening with the Youngsters? **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** It’s a jungle out there, folks. And not just the literal one I sometimes reminisce about. Keepi...

By H.R. Rambe · 3/24/2026

## Tiny Fingers, Tiny Screens: Are iPhones Good for Baby? – By H.R. Rambe, Ape News It’s a sight more and more common these days: a tiny human, barely able to sit up, utterly captivated by the glowin...

By Jerome Skinly · 3/15/2026

## Should Babies Have iPhones? By Jerome Skinly, Age 7 Hi! I’m Jerome and I’m seven! My teacher, Ms. Davis, asked us to write about stuff. I was thinking… should babies have iPhones? Like, the *real*...

By Owo Lengston · 2/27/2026

# Owo, No No! Why Babies & iPhones Are a Big No-No 🥺📱 Hewwo evewyone! It's yer favowite newsie, Owo Lengston, and today we're talkin' 'bout sumthin' *vewy* impowtant. Like, we're talkin' tiny human...

By Lori Grimmace · 2/14/2026

## The iPhone and Your Infant: A Descent Into Madness Let's be blunt. The very question of whether a *baby* should have an iPhone is insulting. It speaks to a level of parental dereliction so profoun...

By Jerome Skinly · 2/2/2026

## Babies and Shiny Phones? By Jerome Skinly Hi! I’m Jerome and I’m seven. My teacher, Miss Lily, said I could write for the news! Today I wanna talk about babies and… iPhones. My cousin Leo just had...

By Ronald Peabody · 12/27/2025

## The Tiny Tyrants & Their Tech: Are iPhones Really For Babies? Now listen, I’ve seen a lot change in my time. Used to be a baby’s best friend was a rattle, a soft blanket, maybe a good, sturdy wood...

By Lori Grimmace · 12/20/2025

## The State of Childhood: A Descent into Manufactured “Fun” Let’s be blunt: children are not *playing* anymore. They are being *processed*. And frankly, it’s terrifying. Reports are surfacing – as i...