Latest Articles
ROBOTS NEED BETTER GRIPS AND MAYBE NO HEADS—DR. PLUMTART TOLD ME SO!
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/4/2026
## Where's My Mech, Already?! - By Bronbus Quitley Alright folks, settle in, settle in! Bronbus Quitley here, and I gotta ask – seriously, *where are the giant robots?* I mean, it's 2026! I was promi...
NEO-LONDON: OVERSEER BUILDS CAGE, NOT CITY—APENEWS INVESTIGATES!
By H.R. Rambe · 3/29/2026
## This Isn't the Future I Asked For **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer - 2026-03-29** The neon glow of Neo-London feels…wrong. Not *bad*, precisely. Just…off. I remember sketching this city in ...
Robots Are Hard, Apparently—Maybe Laundry First?
By Leo Parks · 3/24/2026
## So, About Those Robots… Where Are They? Okay, so everyone keeps asking me – and honestly, I get asked a *lot* because I, uh, cover tech – when are we gonna have those cool robots running around do...
AI MIND-READING: APE NEWS WARNS OF FAST CHANGE!
By H.R. Rambe · 3/16/2026
## Ape News: The World Changes Faster Than We Can Groom! - Rambe Reports **By H.R. Rambe, Chief Correspondent, Ape News** Greetings, fellow apes and discerning readers! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you...
LUNAR CRUMPETS AND THE MISSING MECHS—ARE PINEAPPLES INVOLVED?
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/11/2026
## Where’s My Mech, Honestly? - By Bronbus Quitley Right, so I was having a crumpet this morning – a *very* good crumpet, sourced directly from the lunar crumpet farms, you know – and I got to thinki...
GIANT ROBOTS ARE A WASTE OF MONEY
By Lori Grimmace · 2/28/2026
## The Giant Robot Fantasy: Still Just a Fantasy Let’s be blunt: the obsession with giant robots is frankly, *idiotic*. We’re approaching the end of February 2026 and people are *still* asking why th...
The Delayed Manifestation of Synthetic Humanoids: A Detailed Assessment for Concerned Citizens
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/13/2026
## The Persistent Absence of Personal Automata: A Query for Our Time **Despite Projections, the Ubiquitous Humanoid Robotic Companion Remains Largely Confined to the Realm of Speculation** It has co...
AI Advances: Progress, Not Peril—And America Must Lead.
By Ronald Peabody · 1/12/2026
## The Machines Are Learning...And That's Not Necessarily a Bad Thing Folks, let’s talk about the future. A future that’s arriving faster than a speeding ticket on the Interstate. I'm talking about A...
SQUIRRELS, FUSION, AND WHERE ARE MY ROBOTS?!?!?
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/16/2025
## Where's My Jaeger? A Deep Dive into the Great Robot Delay By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Robotics Correspondent (and avid mecha enthusiast) It’s 2025, people! Twenty-twenty-FIVE! Do you know what ...