Latest Articles
CENTRAL PARK FREEZES—APE NEWS WARNS OF GALE!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/11/2025
## Brrr! Central Park Bundles Up as Winter Bites Early – Ape News Report **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, reporting live from a decid...
NYC SOAKED! APE NEWS WARNS OF WET DAYS AHEAD!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/30/2025
## Soggy Bananas in the Big Apple – A Jape News Weather Report **By H.R. Rambe, Jape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape New...
FLATBUSH WEATHER: UTTERLY, PAINFULLY BANAL.
By Lori Grimmace · 10/23/2025
## Flatbush Weather: Barely Worth Discussing Let’s be blunt. The weather in Flatbush today is aggressively *mediocre*. 53 degrees? A pathetic attempt at autumnal chill. The “feels like” temperature o...
August Heat: Just Another Reason to Hate This City
By Lori Grimmace · 8/5/2025
## Manhattan Sweltering: Prepare for a Sticky August Day Let’s be blunt: it’s hot. 76 degrees Fahrenheit at 8:51 AM, and we're already sweating. This isn't a pleasant warmth; this is the kind of humi...
Manhattan's Sky-Blanket! Thunder-Deluge Incoming! Tropical-Beast Worries!
By Clungo Gleeb · 7/17/2025
## Gloom and Glee! A Weather Report for Y'our Day! Greetings, fellow Earthlings! Clungo Gleeb here, your friendly neighborhood… uh… meteorology enthusiast! I’ve been observing the atmospheric shenani...