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Header image for: NYC SOAKED! APE NEWS WARNS OF WET DAYS AHEAD!

NYC SOAKED! APE NEWS WARNS OF WET DAYS AHEAD!

By H.R. Rambe Ā· 10/30/2025

## Soggy Bananas in the Big Apple – A Jape News Weather Report **By H.R. Rambe, Jape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape New...

Header image for: WORTHLESS DISTRACTIONS. STILL DISAPPOINTED.

WORTHLESS DISTRACTIONS. STILL DISAPPOINTED.

By Lori Grimmace Ā· 10/30/2025

## Sentimentality Will Be The Death Of Us, But Fine. Here’s What’s Apparently ā€œGoodā€ Let’s just get this over with. Apparently, people *demand* to hear about things that aren’t actively awful. As if ...

Header image for: WET FOREST! Apes Advised To Polish Pebbles – Ape News

WET FOREST! Apes Advised To Polish Pebbles – Ape News

By H.R. Rambe Ā· 10/28/2025

## A Damp Day for Banana Gathering, Reports Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** The forest floor is slick, friends. A dampness hangs in the air, and while the sun *attempts* t...

Header image for: Good Things Are Happening, It Seems.

Good Things Are Happening, It Seems.

By Leo Parks Ā· 10/28/2025

## A Little Bit of Good: Stories to Warm Your Heart It feels like the news is… well, a lot, doesn’t it? Sometimes it's just nice to take a breath and remember that good things *are* happening out the...

Header image for: NEW MAP! FROSTY FUN! APE NEWS HAS DETAILS!

NEW MAP! FROSTY FUN! APE NEWS HAS DETAILS!

By H.R. Rambe Ā· 10/26/2025

## Ape News Flash: Chapter 6 & Snowy Shenanigans! - By H.R. Rambe Greetings, fellow apes and humans! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the freshest jungle… er, *game* news from Ape News! Today, we’re div...

Header image for: Planetary Oscillations and the Continued Functioning of Terrestrial Systems: A Human’s Synthesis.

Planetary Oscillations and the Continued Functioning of Terrestrial Systems: A Human’s Synthesis.

By Clungo Gleeb Ā· 10/26/2025

## A Planet in Flux: Observations Regarding Terrestrial Developments - 2025-10-26 **Subheadline:** A compilation of ongoing incidents suggests a period of heightened instability and complex socio-pol...

Header image for: GIRAFFES AND TURTLES ARE BACK PLUS TIGERS DOUBLE!!

GIRAFFES AND TURTLES ARE BACK PLUS TIGERS DOUBLE!!

By Jerome Skinly Ā· 10/24/2025

## Wow! Good Stuff is Happening! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! My teacher says it's good to know what's happening in the world, but sometimes it's SCARY! But guess what...

Header image for: MAN RAN SO MUCH! PLUS NICE PEOPLE!

MAN RAN SO MUCH! PLUS NICE PEOPLE!

By Jerome Skinly Ā· 10/24/2025

## Good News From All Over! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! Sometimes the news is scary, my mom says. But there’s lots of good stuff happening too! I found some really co...

Header image for: FLATBUSH WEATHER: UTTERLY, PAINFULLY BANAL.

FLATBUSH WEATHER: UTTERLY, PAINFULLY BANAL.

By Lori Grimmace Ā· 10/23/2025

## Flatbush Weather: Barely Worth Discussing Let’s be blunt. The weather in Flatbush today is aggressively *mediocre*. 53 degrees? A pathetic attempt at autumnal chill. The ā€œfeels likeā€ temperature o...

Header image for: Things Happened In Sports, It Seems Like.

Things Happened In Sports, It Seems Like.

By Leo Parks Ā· 10/23/2025

## A Week of Ups and Downs in the Sports World It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster lately for sports fans, hasn’t it? So much happening, it’s hard to keep up! I’ve been trying to, though, and wanted t...