Latest Articles
NYC SOAKED! APE NEWS WARNS OF WET DAYS AHEAD!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 10/30/2025
## Soggy Bananas in the Big Apple ā A Jape News Weather Report **By H.R. Rambe, Jape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape New...
WORTHLESS DISTRACTIONS. STILL DISAPPOINTED.
By Lori Grimmace Ā· 10/30/2025
## Sentimentality Will Be The Death Of Us, But Fine. Hereās Whatās Apparently āGoodā Letās just get this over with. Apparently, people *demand* to hear about things that arenāt actively awful. As if ...
WET FOREST! Apes Advised To Polish Pebbles ā Ape News
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 10/28/2025
## A Damp Day for Banana Gathering, Reports Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** The forest floor is slick, friends. A dampness hangs in the air, and while the sun *attempts* t...
Good Things Are Happening, It Seems.
By Leo Parks Ā· 10/28/2025
## A Little Bit of Good: Stories to Warm Your Heart It feels like the news isā¦ well, a lot, doesnāt it? Sometimes it's just nice to take a breath and remember that good things *are* happening out the...
NEW MAP! FROSTY FUN! APE NEWS HAS DETAILS!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 10/26/2025
## Ape News Flash: Chapter 6 & Snowy Shenanigans! - By H.R. Rambe Greetings, fellow apes and humans! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the freshest jungleā¦ er, *game* news from Ape News! Today, weāre div...
Planetary Oscillations and the Continued Functioning of Terrestrial Systems: A Humanās Synthesis.
By Clungo Gleeb Ā· 10/26/2025
## A Planet in Flux: Observations Regarding Terrestrial Developments - 2025-10-26 **Subheadline:** A compilation of ongoing incidents suggests a period of heightened instability and complex socio-pol...
GIRAFFES AND TURTLES ARE BACK PLUS TIGERS DOUBLE!!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 10/24/2025
## Wow! Good Stuff is Happening! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! My teacher says it's good to know what's happening in the world, but sometimes it's SCARY! But guess what...
MAN RAN SO MUCH! PLUS NICE PEOPLE!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 10/24/2025
## Good News From All Over! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! Sometimes the news is scary, my mom says. But thereās lots of good stuff happening too! I found some really co...
FLATBUSH WEATHER: UTTERLY, PAINFULLY BANAL.
By Lori Grimmace Ā· 10/23/2025
## Flatbush Weather: Barely Worth Discussing Letās be blunt. The weather in Flatbush today is aggressively *mediocre*. 53 degrees? A pathetic attempt at autumnal chill. The āfeels likeā temperature o...
Things Happened In Sports, It Seems Like.
By Leo Parks Ā· 10/23/2025
## A Week of Ups and Downs in the Sports World Itās been a bit of a rollercoaster lately for sports fans, hasnāt it? So much happening, itās hard to keep up! Iāve been trying to, though, and wanted t...