Latest Articles

By Lori Grimmace · 1/19/2026

## Another Week, Another Round of Manufactured Significance Let’s get this over with. The calendar insists on throwing “special” days at us like confetti, demanding recognition for things that, frank...

By Leo Parks · 1/17/2026

## Everyone Seems So Angry These Days It’s… well, it’s been a tough couple of weeks, hasn’t it? Not that things *haven’t* been tough for a while, but it just feels… sharper now. I was at the grocery ...

By Leo Parks · 1/17/2026

## Lost in the Loop: Local Man Bewildered by Constant Updates It’s…a lot. That’s what Arthur Penhaligon, 68, of Oakhaven, said when asked about the current state of news. And honestly, after spending...

By Jerome Skinly · 1/11/2026

## Stuff Happening On The Phone! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! This week the grown-ups are *really* mad at the phones. My mom lets me look at her phone sometimes, but o...

By Ronald Peabody · 1/8/2026

## A Bright Spot in a Troubled World: Good News We Can Use Folks, let's be honest. It feels like every time you turn on the television these days, it's nothing but bad news. Crime, chaos, and folks j...

By Leo Parks · 1/8/2026

## A Rough Week for Social Media Platforms It’s been a bit of a difficult week for those of us who spend a lot of time online, and honestly, a pretty upsetting one. There’s been a lot of discussion –...

By Clungo Gleeb · 1/3/2026

## Local Man Experiences Temporal Disorientation Regarding Current Events **Subheadline:** Subject Demonstrates Difficulty Comprehending the Fluid Nature of Information Dissemination; Experts Weigh I...

By H.R. Rambe · 1/2/2026

## Primate Panic & Pupil Pronouns: A Nation Divided **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** The jungle drums are beating loud, friends, and it’s not a predator on the prowl. It’s… disagreement. *Hu...

By Leo Parks · 1/1/2026

## A Brighter Start to the New Year Well, folks, it’s 2026, and if you’re anything like me, you were maybe expecting… well, more of the same old worries as we headed into the new year. But honestly? ...

By Bronbus Quitley · 12/31/2025

## Is the World Ending? (Probably Not, But Let’s Talk About It) - By Bronbus Quitley Okay, okay, deep breaths everyone! I just spent the last three days trying to build a fully functional replica of ...