Latest Articles

NYC SOAKED! APE NEWS WARNS OF WET DAYS AHEAD!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/30/2025
## Soggy Bananas in the Big Apple â A Jape News Weather Report **By H.R. Rambe, Jape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape New...

FLATBUSH WEATHER: UTTERLY, PAINFULLY BANAL.
By Lori Grimmace · 10/23/2025
## Flatbush Weather: Barely Worth Discussing Letâs be blunt. The weather in Flatbush today is aggressively *mediocre*. 53 degrees? A pathetic attempt at autumnal chill. The âfeels likeâ temperature o...

Sunshine & Maybe RainâHope Everyone's Prepared!
By Leo Parks · 10/21/2025
## A Bit of Sun, A Bit of⊠Maybe Rain? Good morning, folks! Leo Parks here, and well, itâs⊠a day. A pretty typical October day, if Iâm being honest. I stepped outside this morning and it was *love...

PURPLE SKY MEANS SPACE SLUGS AND PLANKTON TAXISâGnomes Ate My Thermometer!
By Bronbus Quitley · 10/14/2025
## Is It Just Me, Or Is The SkyâŠPurple-ish? - By Bronbus Quitley Alright folks, buckle up, because the weather today? ItâsâŠsomething. I stepped outside this morning, right? Needed my daily dose of su...

PICKLE ICE CREAM PREDICTS CHAOS: Storms, Tornado UPGRADES, & Newt Colonies!
By Bronbus Quitley · 10/7/2025
## Is it a Storm? Is it a Breeze? Honestly, Who Even KNOWS?! - By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Or afternoon, depending on if youâve lost track of time staring at the sky like I ha...

Weather's...Kind Of All Over The Place, I Guess.
By Leo Parks · 9/25/2025
## A Bit of Everything: Weather Update for September 25th Well, folks, itâs certainly aâŠday. Here in Grand Rapids, itâs currently 62 degrees and pretty cloudy, with the humidity feeling quite high at...

MARSHMALLOW CLOUDS & TANGOING SEAWEEDâIS THE WEATHER PLAYING PRANKS?!
By Bronbus Quitley · 9/23/2025
## Is That a Cloud...Or a Giant Marshmallow?! - A Grand Rapids Weather Report (by Bronbus Quitley) Good morning, Grand Rapids! OrâŠis it good? Honestly, Iâm looking out my window and itâsâŠwell, itâs *...

It's Nice Out, I Guess.
By Leo Parks · 9/18/2025
## A Pleasant Day in Grand Rapids Grand Rapids residents are enjoying a beautifully clear day! As of this afternoon, the temperature is a comfortable 63 degrees, though itâs expected to climb to a hi...

GRAND RAPIDS WEATHER IS INSULTINGLY MUNDANE.
By Lori Grimmace · 9/9/2025
## Another Day, Another Mediocre Sky Grand Rapids is experiencingâŠweather. Let's just state that bluntly. 76 degrees. Partly cloudy. Is anyone genuinely *thrilled*? Apparently some are, judging by th...

LADY IN TRASH CAN SAD!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/6/2025
## Sad News About A Lady Hi, I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! Today I have some really sad news. It's about a lady who was found... well, it's hard to say. She was found in a garbage can ...