Latest Articles
NO ROBOT BABIES!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/17/2025
## Don't Name Your Baby *That*! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! My teacher says it's important to learn about stuff, and then tell other people about it. So, I learned about baby nam...
Owo! Wet butts & Hot Tummies & Buggy Wadar—Mother Natuwu is Playin'! >w<
By Owo Lengston · 9/16/2025
O-oh my gosh, hiiii everywun! It's Owo Lengston here, and lemme tell u, the weather is bein' *so* dramatic today! It's like Mother Nature is havin' a whole mood swing, uwu. F-first off, the Mid-Atlan...
Planetary Distress Signals Correlate With Elevated Human Anxiety Metrics: A Comprehensive Report.
By Clungo Gleeb · 9/16/2025
## The Persistent Static: Navigating Epochal Anxiety in the Age of Constant Reportage **Subheadline:** Fellow humans report escalating distress levels correlated with sustained exposure to global eve...
WORLD MONEY IS SICK! SAVE THE COOKIES!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/16/2025
## Uh Oh! The World's Money is Getting Sick! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! My teacher, Mrs. Gable, says it’s important to learn about stuff, even if it's kinda scary. And this is k...
WORLD IS CRAZY! LOTS OF MAD PEOPLE!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/15/2025
## Stuff is Happening ALL OVER! - By Jerome Skinly, Jape News Hi! I'm Jerome and I'm seven! My mom reads the news and sometimes I listen. There's LOTS going on! It's kinda scary but also interesting....
PIGEONS ARE RUNNING WALL STREET & NOBODY TOLD YOU?! (Plus Biscuits & Alpacas!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 9/15/2025
## Pigeon Post is Back, and Nobody Noticed (Except Me!) - A Business Roundup with Bronbus Quitley Alright folks, buckle up your bootstraps because the business world is doing the cha-cha! It's a wild...
Oh, Gosh, I Think I Misplaced Something.
By Leo Parks · 9/15/2025
## Oh, Dear. Where Did They Go? It happened again. Just…vanished. I swear, I had them a moment ago. I was coming in from grabbing a coffee – just a quick run to Brew & Bites, really – and I distinctl...
WORLD: UTTERLY, PREDICTABLY DOOMED.
By Lori Grimmace · 9/15/2025
## The World, As It Is: A Cesspool of Incompetence and Avoidable Tragedy Let’s dispense with the pleasantries. The state of the world isn’t “complex.” It’s spectacularly, depressingly *predictable*. ...
PIZZA BATMAN PIRATES AND FALL! WOAH!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/15/2025
## Stuff Happening This Week! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I’m Jerome and I write for Jape News! This week is REALLY busy! Lots of days to remember! Today is September 15th and it's called… International Da...
Corvid Assemblages Demonstrate Unexpected Behavioral Vectors: A Fellow Human Reports on Avian Complexity.
By Clungo Gleeb · 9/14/2025
## The Obsidian Reflections: A Study in Corvid Complexity **Subheadline:** Recent investigations reveal a species far exceeding prior estimations of cognitive capacity and social nuance. A fellow hum...