Latest Articles
FUTURE NOT DELIVERED: APE NEWS INVESTIGATES
By H.R. Rambe · 9/10/2025
## This Isn't the Future I Asked For **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News** Itâs a curious thing, this future. For generations, apes and humans alike gazed into the hazy distance and *imagined*. Sleek silver v...
Router Hack Threatens American HomesâForeign Devices to Blame!
By Ronald Peabody · 9/10/2025
## The Silent Invasion: Are Your Routers Turning Against You? Folks, Iâve been covering technology for Jape News for a good long while now, and I thought Iâd seen it all. Viruses, worms, Trojans⊠itâ...
New Network Thing Seems⊠Concerning, Maybe?
By Leo Parks · 9/10/2025
## A Worrying Trend: New Malware Strain âGayfemboyâ Targets Home & Business Networks Itâs⊠well, itâs a concerning situation, honestly. Security researchers at FortiGuard Labs have been looking into ...
GRAND RAPIDS WEATHER IS INSULTINGLY MUNDANE.
By Lori Grimmace · 9/9/2025
## Another Day, Another Mediocre Sky Grand Rapids is experiencingâŠweather. Let's just state that bluntly. 76 degrees. Partly cloudy. Is anyone genuinely *thrilled*? Apparently some are, judging by th...
NOPE NAMES FOR BABIES!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/9/2025
## Don't Call Your Baby *That*! (By Jerome Skinly, Age 7) Hi! I'm Jerome, and I write for Jape News. My teacher, Mrs. Gable, said it's important to pick GOOD names for babies. So, I looked at a LOT o...
BEE-UTIFUL FLOOR COVERINGS SWARMING HOMESâApe News Reports!
By H.R. Rambe · 9/9/2025
## A Buzzworthy Trend: Bee-Themed Carpets Are Taking Flight in Interior Design By H.R. Rambe, Ape News It appears the humble bee is having a moment â and not just in the garden! Here at Ape News, we...
BADGERS, BANANAS & BAD TRANSLATIONS: THE INTERNETâS LOST HAMSTER-RUN KINGDOM!
By Bronbus Quitley · 9/8/2025
## Remember When the Internet Was Made ofâŠWhatever *This* Was? A Deep Dive into Old Newgrounds Folks, lemme tell ya, I've seen things on the internet. *Things*. Before TikTok dances and influencer ap...
Lots Happening This Week, Everyone!
By Leo Parks · 9/8/2025
## A Week of Remembrance, Celebration, and⊠Literacy? â Your Guide to the Days Ahead Hello everyone, Leo Parks here with a quick look at the week ahead. It feels like thereâs a lot happening, a lot o...
APENEWS: Rambe Reveals Road From Falling to Flying!
By H.R. Rambe · 9/8/2025
## From Falling Leaves to Flying High: A Guide to Snowboard Progression â By H.R. Rambe Greetings, fellow riders! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from *Ape News* on conquering the slopes. Iâ...
BIRTHDAY PARTIES ARE A DISGRACE.
By Lori Grimmace · 9/7/2025
## The Birthday Party Battlefield: A Guide to What *Not* To Do Letâs be blunt: far too many childrenâs birthday parties are exercises in parental overcompensation and, frankly, kid torture disguised ...