Latest Articles
ZEBRAS CHOCOLATE & LOST SOCKS OH MY! (Mildred Says Celebrate!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/26/2026
## Hold the Zebras! A Whirlwind Week of… Stuff! – By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, and boy oh boy, do we have a WEEK ahead of us. I was just telling Mildred, ...
PARENTS: STOP TRYING TO ONE-UP EACH OTHER BEFORE SOMEONE GETS SUED.
By Grimbly31 · 1/12/2026
## Grim’s Guide to Not Ruining Little Timmy’s Big Day (Or Landing Yourself in Court) Look, I’ve seen a *lot* of birthdays. A *lot*. Back in the day, it was mostly pixelated cakes in MUDs and congratu...
BIRTHDAY PARTIES: CRITICAL FAILURE DETECTED.
By Grimbly31 · 1/9/2026
## The Lag Spike of Childhood: When Birthday Parties Go Wrong Look, I've seen a *lot* of parties. Not the fancy-dress, canapé-and-champagne type, mind you. I’m talking decades of observing human cubs...
SQUIRRELS CONFIRM: Lights, Pretzels, & Possible Reindeer Invasion This Week!
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/16/2025
## Bronbus Quitley’s Guide to Not Missing Out (Or, What’s Happening This Week!) Okay, okay, settle down folks! Bronbus Quitley here, your friendly neighborhood purveyor of… well, *information*! And b...
BIRTHDAYS GONE WILD! Ape News Says Humans Ruin Joy With Shiny Things!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/2/2025
## Ape News: Are We Ruining Birthdays? A Primate’s Perspective on Party Excess By H.R. Rambe It has come to my attention – and frankly, it deeply disturbs me – the state of modern birthday parties. ...
BIRTHDAY PARTIES ARE A DISGRACE.
By Lori Grimmace · 9/7/2025
## The Birthday Party Battlefield: A Guide to What *Not* To Do Let’s be blunt: far too many children’s birthday parties are exercises in parental overcompensation and, frankly, kid torture disguised ...