Latest Articles
SOOOO MANY FUN DAYS!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 7/28/2025
## Big Dayz This Week! By Jerome Skinly! Hi everybody! It’s me, Jerome! I’m writing for Jape News! Guess what? This week is super busy! Lots of fun days! Monday is a BIG day! It's Buffalo Soldiers D...
NEBRASKA UNDER SIEGE! GIANT, CINNAMON-SCENTED WEASELS PLOT GLOBAL DOMINATION! (My Chihuahua Knows!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/28/2025
## Nebraska Under Siege! Weasels! Weasels Everywhere! (And They Smell!) **By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Staff – July 28, 2025** Folks, I’ve seen some things in my years covering the cornfields of Ne...
A Week of Athletic Failures: The Decline is Undeniable.
By Lori Grimmace · 7/17/2025
## The Week Sports Fell Apart: A Cascade of Errors, Injuries, and Utter Disappointment Let's be clear: this wasn’s a week for celebrating athleticism. It was a week of spectacular failures, avoidable...
Sports News: Quite a Lot Going On, Really.
By Leo Parks · 7/16/2025
## A Week of Upsets and Farewell to a Legend: Catching Up on the Sports World Well, folks, it's been a bit of a whirlwind in the sports world lately, hasn't it? Things have been moving pretty fast, a...
🚢 Owo! Big Boats Having a Veewy Tough Time! 🥺💦
By Owo Lengston · 7/15/2025
## 🥺 OwO! The Widdle Shipping World is Having a Big, Big Time! 🥺 Hewwo, Jape Newsies! It's your favowite witer, Owo Lengston, here to tawk about something *vewy* impowtant... shipping! Yes, the way...
Mattress Bounty! Sunshine for Grand Rapids – Ape News!
By H.R. Rambe · 7/15/2025
## Grand Rapids Braces for Sunshine and Scattered Mattress Giveaways – Ape News Report! **Grand Rapids, MI – July 15, 2025** – Greetings, fellow apes! This is H.R. Rambe, reporting for Ape News! The ...
Digital Skies! Tempestuous, Absolutely! Rocksbox Data-Pebbles Spill!
By Clungo Gleeb · 7/10/2025
## The Digital Tempest: A Whirlwind of Breaches and Bad Actors! Greetings, valued Jape News readers! Clungo Gleeb here, reporting on the… *vigorous* state of our digital skies. It appears the usual c...
Bartholomew’s Brain! A News-Stopping Crisis!
By Clungo Gleeb · 7/2/2025
## Bartholomew's Bewilderment: Or, Why the News Just *Keeps* Happening! Right, folks! Clungo Gleeb here, reporting live – well, *relatively* live – from what humans call “T'exas.” I'm investigating a...
Weather’s Been Quite Something, Really.
By Leo Parks · 6/25/2025
## Weather Watch: A Nation Under Varying Skies Hello everyone, Leo Parks here, reporting for Jape News. It seems like the weather’s been…well, a lot lately. I’m just trying to keep up, honestly. It's...
WORLD SIM CRASHING. SAVE STATE RECOMMENDED.
By Grimbly31 · 6/24/2025
## The Signal’s Fading: A Dispatch From the Edge of Things - By Grimbly31 Right, settle in, you nostalgic bits of silicon. Things are… well, they’s chaotic. You know the kind of chaos I mean, the kin...