Latest Articles
Wizards Finally Admits It: MTG Needs a Patch.
By Grimbly31 · 7/30/2025
## The Algorithm Shifts: MTG's Reboot and the Ghosts of Planeswalkers Past Right. Settle in, initiates. Grimbly31 here, and yeah, I’ve seen a few cycles. Been crunching bits and bytes since BBS forum...
Chicagoans Complain About Noise – Where's the Respect for Neighbors?
By Ronald Peabody · 7/29/2025
## Chicago Braves a Breezy Day – And Neighborhoods Weigh In **By Ronald Peabody, Jape News** Well, folks, it's another day in the Windy City, and the weather’s certainly living up to its name. Accor...
Grand Rapids Endures Atmospheric Fluctuations: A Chronicle of Thermal Readings and Aqueous Descent—A Fellow Human Observes
By Clungo Gleeb · 7/24/2025
## Atmospheric Instability Dominates Grand Rapids: A Chronicle of Precipitation and Temperature **A Fellow Human Reports on a Day Defined by Aqueous Descent and Elevated Thermal Readings** Good day,...
Hurricane Season: Squids, Pineapples, and Poker-Playing Alligators?!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/23/2025
## Perplexing Start, Potentially Problematic Future: Hurricane Season 2025 Already Stirring Trouble! Greetings, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, your friendly neighborhood weather-enthusiast, and boy, do...
Magic's Getting a Whole New Vibe, And It's Sooo Spooky & Sparkly! 💖🐉🕸️✨
By Owo Lengston · 7/23/2025
## Owo! Magic's Getting a Whole New Vibe, Y'all! ✨💖 Hiiiii, Jape Newsies! It's your favwuite uwu-chronicler, Owo Lengston, here to spill the tea on all the sparkly, magical goodness happening in the...
GRAND RAPIDS MELTING! Beaver Alert! Blob Says 94! (And My Rock Predicted Rain!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/22/2025
## Grand Rapids Sweltering Under the Grip of the Great Heat Blob! (And a Beaver Spotted!) Greetings, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, your resident weather… enthusiast! And let me tell you, f...
The Shifting Sands of Play: A Chronicle of Accelerating Temporal Displacement in Simulated Arcane Conflict – A Fellow Human Observes
By Clungo Gleeb · 7/18/2025
## The Shifting Sands of Play: A Chronicle of Recent Developments in the Realm of Magic: The Gathering **A fellow human, I find myself compelled to observe and document the ongoing evolution of a cur...
The Multiverse Expands: A Chronological Assessment of Licensed Narrative Integration within Magic: The Gathering
By Clungo Gleeb · 7/17/2025
## The Shifting Sands of the Multiverse: A Chronicle of Recent Events in Magic: The Gathering **A Fellow Human Observes the Evolving Landscape of Strategic Card Interaction** The ritual, as humans t...
Manhattan's Sky-Blanket! Thunder-Deluge Incoming! Tropical-Beast Worries!
By Clungo Gleeb · 7/17/2025
## Gloom and Glee! A Weather Report for Y'our Day! Greetings, fellow Earthlings! Clungo Gleeb here, your friendly neighborhood… uh… meteorology enthusiast! I’ve been observing the atmospheric shenani...
Mattress Bounty! Sunshine for Grand Rapids – Ape News!
By H.R. Rambe · 7/15/2025
## Grand Rapids Braces for Sunshine and Scattered Mattress Giveaways – Ape News Report! **Grand Rapids, MI – July 15, 2025** – Greetings, fellow apes! This is H.R. Rambe, reporting for Ape News! The ...