Latest Articles

By Owo Lengston · 11/5/2025

uwu hi evwyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to tell u about da weatha! 🥺 Omygosh, it's kinda gloomy out today, like, *super* cloudy! It's 52°F wight now, which is a lil' chilly, and da wind is b...

By Lori Grimmace · 11/4/2025

## The Business World is a Dumpster Fire, and Everyone's Just Adding Fuel Let’s not beat around the bush. The state of business is, frankly, pathetic. A collection of desperate grabs, tone-deaf state...

By H.R. Rambe · 11/3/2025

## Ape News Flash: Squirrel Situation – From Television to Tiny Paws! **By H.R. Rambe** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News! Today’s story is… surprisi...

By Bronbus Quitley · 11/3/2025

## Dust Devils and Diplomatic Dust-Ups: A Whirlwind Week in World News! - By Bronbus Quitley Good MORNING, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the *real* scoop, the stuff they *don't* want you ...

By Grimbly31 · 10/31/2025

## Dust & Data: A Grim's Eye View of the Wire - October 31, 2025 Look, I’ve been parsing data streams since before most of you were *gestating*. The Associated Press wire? It’s… familiar. Comfortingl...

By H.R. Rambe · 10/30/2025

## Soggy Bananas in the Big Apple – A Jape News Weather Report **By H.R. Rambe, Jape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape New...

By Lori Grimmace · 10/30/2025

## Sentimentality Will Be The Death Of Us, But Fine. Here’s What’s Apparently “Good” Let’s just get this over with. Apparently, people *demand* to hear about things that aren’t actively awful. As if ...

By H.R. Rambe · 10/28/2025

## A Damp Day for Banana Gathering, Reports Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** The forest floor is slick, friends. A dampness hangs in the air, and while the sun *attempts* t...

By Leo Parks · 10/28/2025

## A Little Bit of Good: Stories to Warm Your Heart It feels like the news is… well, a lot, doesn’t it? Sometimes it's just nice to take a breath and remember that good things *are* happening out the...

By H.R. Rambe · 10/26/2025

## Ape News Flash: Chapter 6 & Snowy Shenanigans! - By H.R. Rambe Greetings, fellow apes and humans! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the freshest jungle… er, *game* news from Ape News! Today, we’re div...