Latest Articles
LOST KEYS PROVE EARTH IS TILTED AND PIGEONS ARE PLOTTING SOMETHING! (Also, Laundry is NEXT LEVEL)
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 5/9/2026
## Bronbus Quitley's Breaking News: A National Key Crisis?! (Probably Just Mine) **Jape City, May 9th, 2026** ā Folks, let me tell you, we are living in *turbulent* times. Not because of internationa...
SOLAR FLARES AND SHADY FORECASTS: IS BIG WEATHER HIDING SOMETHING?
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 3/30/2026
## A Chill in the Air and Signs From Above ā Whatās Really Going On With This Weather? Folks, letās talk about the weather. Not just the temperature reading on the thermometer, but what it *means*. N...
MIDWEST UNDER ATTACK: Weather Service Enables Chaos!
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 3/29/2026
## Chicago Under Siege: A Meteorological Assault Folks, Iām here to tell you, this isnāt just āweather.ā This is an *attack*. A blatant disregard for a peaceful Sunday morning, and frankly, a bit sus...
OCTOPUS CULT THREATENS AMERICAN VALUES!
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 3/28/2026
## The Rising Tide of Decadence andā¦Squid Worship? A Concerned Citizen Reports Folks, Iāve seen a lot in my years at Jape News. A lot. And I thought Iād seen it all ā the avocado toast craze, the you...
LIBERAL WEATHER MANIPULATION: ARE THEY TRYING TO FRY US?
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 3/27/2026
## The Skies are Fallingā¦Or Are They Just Warm? A Look at Todayās Erratic Weather Folks, Iām starting to think the liberals are tinkering with the thermostat again. Now, Iām not saying climate change...
SQUIRRELS PLOTTING WORLD DOMINATIONāAUNT MILDRED WAS RIGHT (And Sprout Eating Champions!)
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 3/25/2026
## Bronbus Quitley Reports: Are We *Really* Saving the Squirrels? (And Why My Aunt Mildred Hates Them) Folks, let me tell you, Iāve been *deep* down the rabbit hole ā or should I say, the squirrel ho...
BIRD GAS: Is the Left Covering Up a Silent Threat to America?
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 3/21/2026
## A Silent Threat to National Security? The Truth About Bird Flatulence Folks, Iāve been reporting on the issues that *matter* for Jape News for a long time now, and I thought Iād seen it all. But t...
SQUIRRELS ARE DATA MINING YOU, WAKE UP SHEEPLE.
By Grimbly31 Ā· 3/19/2026
## They Were Always Watching, Man. Always. Look, Iāve been online since before most of you were *gestating*. I remember warez boards, BBSes, the whole nine yards. We used to talk about surveillance s...
PIGEONS NOEM & THE ZUCCHINI APOCALYPSEāI KNEW IT!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 3/7/2026
## The Great Pigeon Conspiracy and Why Kristi Noem is Totally Involved (Probably) By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News - March 7th, 2026 Folks, let me tell you, things are *wild* out there. And itās not ju...
CLOWNCODE: THEY WERE ALWAYS WATCHING.
By Grimbly31 Ā· 2/7/2026
## They Were Always Watching: A History of the Honkers Okay, so look. You youngāuns think clowns are justā¦ birthday parties, right? Red noses, balloon animals, maybe a slightly unsettling vibe if you...