Latest Articles
TIBER’S TRADING SARDINES WITH A RETIRED, REGRETFUL, AND POSSIBLY ADORABLE SEA GOD! (Plus, My Extensive Gnome Knowledge Confirms Something Is Happening)
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/22/2026
## Local Man Claims to Have Negotiated Fishing Rights with…a Giant Squid-Faced Octopus God? **By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News – April 22, 2026** Now, listen, folks, you won’t *believe* the story I got...
Strange Dreams & More Seafood—Everything Seems a Little Off Lately.
By Leo Parks · 4/18/2026
## Locals Report Strange Dreams, Increased Seafood Consumption **By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer** It’s been… a strange week, folks. And not just because of the pollen count, which honestly is ...
RLYEH CONNECTING. EXPECT DELAY.
By Grimbly31 · 4/16/2026
## Static and the Sleeper Look, I’ve been staring at screens since before most of you were *gestated*. Dial-up tones are basically a lullaby to me. I’ve seen things. Not just the usual garbage fire o...
RLYEH.TXT ACTIVATED.
By Grimbly31 · 4/14/2026
## Old Gods, New Connections: Why Everyone's Talking About Cthulhu (Again) Look, I've been online since dial-up was a *good* connection. I remember warez scenes before FTP was cool. I've seen trends ...
OCTOPUS CULT THREATENS AMERICAN VALUES!
By Ronald Peabody · 3/28/2026
## The Rising Tide of Decadence and…Squid Worship? A Concerned Citizen Reports Folks, I’ve seen a lot in my years at Jape News. A lot. And I thought I’d seen it all – the avocado toast craze, the you...
"Ready or Not 2" Was... Actually Pretty Good!
By Leo Parks · 3/26/2026
## A Surprisingly Good Time With ‘Ready or Not 2: Here I Come’ Okay, so I just got back from seeing “Ready or Not 2: Here I Come,” and, honestly? I was pleasantly surprised. I’ll admit, the first “Re...
Things Feel A Little Strange, Hopefully It Passes Quickly
By Leo Parks · 3/5/2026
## A Strange Calm Before… Something? It’s been a weird week, honestly. Not *bad*, just…off. Everyone’s been talking about it down at the diner, and Old Man Hemlock’s been practically glued to his sho...
CTHULHU IS A MARKETING PLOY.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/2/2026
## Cthulhu: An Overrated Squib Let’s be brutally honest, shall we? Cthulhu. The name rolls off the tongues of every second-rate horror author and basement-dwelling “mythos expert,” but the creature i...
Cosmic Horror A Distraction From Real American Values!
By Ronald Peabody · 2/8/2026
## The Rising Tide of Moral Decay and…Giant Squids? Folks, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. A lot of *observing*. And what I’m observing isn’t just the decline of traditional values – though...
CLOWNS: AVOID.
By Lori Grimmace · 1/16/2026
## Painted Faces, Empty Souls: A Dissection of the Clown Let's be clear: the recent resurgence of "clown appreciation" is nauseating. These garishly painted figures, historically and presently, are n...