Latest Articles

WOMEN ARE TRASHED. FIX IT.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/28/2026
## Another Day, Another Discarded Woman: Is This America Now? Letâs be clear: Iâm sick of it. Sick of the headlines, sick of the âreports,â and frankly, sick of a society that treats human beings lik...

AI UPROAR! Apes Split Over Thinking Machines â Ape News Reports!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/7/2026
## Bananas & Boundaries: The Great AI Debate Rips Through Ape News Readers **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** The jungle drums are *loud* these days, folks. Not with the usual chatter about ri...

WOMEN ARE TRASHED. NO ONE CARES.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/2/2026
## Another Woman, Another Dumpster. Are We Even Trying Anymore? Columbia, SC â April 2nd, 2026. Letâs just state the obvious: women are apparently disposable now. Not in the metaphorical, societal se...

RAMBE SEES HOLIDAYS PLENTYâAPRIL FOOLS PLUS!
By H.R. Rambe · 3/31/2026
## Ape News â Rambe Reports: A Week of Remembrance and Revelry! Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News. Itâs 2026-03-31, and the calendar is *packed* this week...

APE NEWS: WEEK FULL OF TRICKS MEMORIALS BANANAS!
By H.R. Rambe · 3/31/2026
## A Busy Week Ahead â Ape News Has You Covered! Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News. Itâs 2026 and a truly packed week is unfolding before us, filled with ...

SO MANY DAYS HAPPENING NOW!
By Jerome Skinly · 3/31/2026
## Lotsa Stuff Happening This Week! By Jerome Skinly Hi! Iâm Jerome and Iâm seven! This week is REALLY busy with holidays and stuff. My mom helped me write this so it's good. Today is March 31st, an...

Doc-tows Pwayin' God? Owo Nooo, My Heawt! đ„șđđ
By Owo Lengston · 1/27/2026
## OwoH Nooo, Evewyone is So Mad! â The Big Doctor Drama! đ„ș Hewwo Jape News weadews! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and things awe *suuuuper* messy wight now! It's makin' my wittle heart ache, and not i...

Traditional Values Deliver Results: Real Good News Amidst the Chaos!
By Ronald Peabody · 1/8/2026
## A Bright Spot in a Troubled World: Good News We Can Use Folks, let's be honest. It feels like every time you turn on the television these days, it's nothing but bad news. Crime, chaos, and folks j...

HUMAN YOUNG & HIGH BRANCHES: NATION IN KNOTS - Ape News
By H.R. Rambe · 1/2/2026
## Primate Panic & Pupil Pronouns: A Nation Divided **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** The jungle drums are beating loud, friends, and itâs not a predator on the prowl. Itâs⊠disagreement. *Hu...

HUMANS SPLIT ON HEATâApe News Reports Deep Divide!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/26/2025
## Bananas and Battle Lines: Climate Change Tears America Apart **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** The air feels thick with more than just humidity these days. Here at Ape News, weâve been cru...