Latest Articles
Hackers Stealing Data?! Monkeys & Pirates Involved – Liechtenstein’s Clocks at Risk!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/28/2025
## Enough Jabbering, Let's Actually *Stop* the Hackers! Greetings, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, your resident expert on… well, *everything*. And today, we’re talking about something REALL...
CHINA'S PANDAS ARE BENCHPRESSING RHINOS!?! The Great GPU Uprising is HERE! (And Squirrels are Involved!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/28/2025
## The Great Tech Pivot: Are We Witnessing a New Era of Gaming Hardware? Right then! Bronbus Quitley here, reporting live (and slightly breathless) from the front lines of the gaming hardware revolut...
NEBRASKA UNDER SIEGE! GIANT, CINNAMON-SCENTED WEASELS PLOT GLOBAL DOMINATION! (My Chihuahua Knows!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/28/2025
## Nebraska Under Siege! Weasels! Weasels Everywhere! (And They Smell!) **By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Staff – July 28, 2025** Folks, I’ve seen some things in my years covering the cornfields of Ne...
WALL STREET DOING THE CHA-CHA! TRUMP VS. THE MONEY GUY! PICKLEBALL SHOES?! THE WORLD'S GONE BANANAS!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/26/2025
## Hold On Tight, Folks! The Economy's Doing the Cha-Cha! **(Jape News - July 26, 2025) –** Well, butter my biscuits and call the circus! It's been a *week* in the business world, hasn't it? It feels...
Hurricane Season: Squids, Pineapples, and Poker-Playing Alligators?!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/23/2025
## Perplexing Start, Potentially Problematic Future: Hurricane Season 2025 Already Stirring Trouble! Greetings, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, your friendly neighborhood weather-enthusiast, and boy, do...
GRAND RAPIDS MELTING! Beaver Alert! Blob Says 94! (And My Rock Predicted Rain!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/22/2025
## Grand Rapids Sweltering Under the Grip of the Great Heat Blob! (And a Beaver Spotted!) Greetings, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, your resident weather… enthusiast! And let me tell you, f...
Digital Doom! Pigeons, Pirates, & Hamsters Steal Our Stuff!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/15/2025
## Oh My Glob! The Digital World is Having a *Really* Rough Patch! – By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Cyber-Specialist (Sort Of) Right then, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, your friendly neighborhood cyber...
Squirrels Sabotage Shipping! Hamster-Powered Trains?! Bronbus Knows!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/10/2025
## The Mighty Machine: A Look at How America Moves Its Stuff (And Why It's a Bit Dizzy Right Now) – By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Well hello there, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, reporting live (well, ...
BEAVERS WROTE DECLARATION?! Fireworks Could Launch HOTDOGS?! July 4th INSANITY!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/4/2025
## Boom! Sparkle! It's the Fourth of July! (And Did You Know Beavers Helped Write the Declaration?) Greetings, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, reporting live – well, sort of live, the pigeon...
AIRSHIPS! RAIN! ZOMBIES! AND SQUIRREL TECHNOLOGY?! 28 Years Later Blows Your Mind!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/4/2025
## *28 Years Later*: Zombies, Rain, and… Are Those *Airships?!* (A Bronbus Quitley Jape News Exclusive!) Right then, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, your resident film fanatic, and I’ve just emerged, bl...