Latest Articles
šIs Dat A Sandwitch, Taco, OwO Sallad?!šøš³
By Owo Lengston Ā· 3/17/2026
## Owo, Is Dat a Sandwhich or...A SALLAD?! ššø Hewwo evweyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, hewe to tackle a vewy impowtant question dat's been keepin' me up at nightā¦and maybe gettinā me a widdle *ex...
HOT DOGS ARE NOT SANDWICHES! THEY ARE TACOS! (Maybe)
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 2/20/2026
## Hot Dogs: Sandwich OR Salad?! (By Jerome Skinly, Age 7) Hi! Iām Jerome and Iām a reporter for Jape News. Today Iām trying to figure out something REALLY important. Are hot dogs sandwiches? Orā¦ sal...
PIZZA MADE IN A ROCKET OVEN!!!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 2/5/2026
## Hot Pizza From a Rocket! Hi! Iām Jerome Skinly and Iām seven! Today I learned about pizzaā¦ and ROCKETS! Thereās a place in Grand Rapids, Michigan called Rocket Pies. They make pizza and salad. Bu...
Rocket Ovens: Another Frivolous Trend Distracting From Real Progress?
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 1/28/2026
## Rocket Bakery: A Blast From The Past, Fueling Our Future? Now, Iāve seen a lot in my years at Jape News. A *lot*. But thisā¦ this is something else. Seems folks are getting downright ambitious with...
STOP FRIDGE FOOLERY! APE NEWS REVEALS WHAT NOT TO CHILL!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 1/22/2026
## Ape News: Stop Chilling What Shouldnāt Be! ā A Guide to Proper Food Storage **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you vital intelligence ...
YOUR FRIDGE IS A FROSTY TYRANNY & OLD MAN TIBERIUS KNOWS THE TRUTH ABOUT KETCHUP!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 1/21/2026
## Bronbus Quitley's BOMBSHELL Report: Your Fridge is a LIE! (And Probably Killing Your Ketchup) Folks, Bronbus Quitley here, and let me tell you, Iāve stumbled onto something HUGE. Bigger than the G...
ROCKETS BAKE BREAD FASTER THAN PIGEONS SPY! (And My NASA Dreams)
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 1/19/2026
## Blast Off with Baked Goods: Are Rocket-Powered Bakeries the Future of Flavour? - By Bronbus Quitley Now, let me tell you, Iāve seen a LOT in my time as a journalist for Jape News. I once interview...
FOOD RULES ARE WEIRD!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 1/11/2026
## My Mom Says NO to the Fridge! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I'm seven! My mom is REALLY good at keeping food safe. But she told me something kinda weird today. Some foodsā¦are NOT allowed in the fridge...
Fridge Fanaticism: Are We Ruining Our Food & Our Nation?
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 1/4/2026
## The Chill on Common Sense: What Are We *Doing* With Our Produce?! Folks, Iāve been thinking. Really *thinking*. And what Iāve been thinking about isā¦refrigerators. These metal boxes have become th...
FRIDGE IS NOT STORAGE. TRUST ME, I BUILT SERVERS FROM SPARE PARTS.
By Grimbly31 Ā· 12/25/2025
## The Cold Truth: What *Doesn't* Belong in Your Chill Box - A Grimbly31 Dispatch Look, Iāve been online since dial-up was king, alright? Seen some things. Dodged more viruses than youāve had hot din...