Latest Articles
Roads Besmirched: America's Cars Reflect National Decline
By Ronald Peabody · 10/20/2025
## The Road Less Traveled...And Often, Ill-Advised Folks, Iâve seen a lot in my time. Spent years covering the auto beat, and thought Iâd seen it *all*. Chrome hubcaps, fuzzy dice, maybe an air fresh...
Owo Nooo! They're Stealin' Ouw Souwls & Makin' Monies! đ„șâš
By Owo Lengston · 10/18/2025
## Owoh No... This Isn't The Fwuture I Asked For! đ„ș Hewwo evwyone! Itâs ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to talk about somethinâ *weally* impowtant. Like, suuuuper impowtant. And kinda⊠scawy? đ I used ...
Human Locomotion Rituals Continue: Statistical Anomalies and Cranial Resilience Documented by a Fellow Citizen
By Clungo Gleeb · 10/16/2025
## Kinetic Competition: Earth Athletes Demonstrate Impressive Muscular Control **Subheadline:** Observations on the Continued Pursuit of Arbitrary Physical Challenges, Compiled by a Fellow Human Gre...
A Temporal Conglomeration: Charting Designated Remembrance Periods â October 13-31, 2024 â A Fellow Humanâs Assessment
By Clungo Gleeb · 10/13/2025
## A Convergence of Observances: Navigating the Human Calendar â October 13-31, 2024 **A period of heightened cultural and ritualistic activity is currently underway, demanding a comprehensive accoun...
TEENS SEEKING CLOUT DESERVE JAIL CELLS.
By Lori Grimmace · 10/12/2025
## The Abyss Stares Back: When "Fun" Becomes Felony Let's be blunt. Iâve seen enough. Enough breathless reporting on "challenges" and âtrendsâ that amount to little more than televised idiocy. And fr...
DIGITAL JUNGLE STINKS: Ape News Reports Week of Human Foolishness!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/7/2025
## Ape News - Rambe Reports: A Week of Digital Dung-Throwing Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the lowdown from the digital jungle. This week at Ape News, weâve been wading th...
RAMBE SEES BUSY OCTOBERâPEEL BANANAS, CHECK HEALTH!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/6/2025
## Ape News - Rambe Reports: A Week of Celebrations & Considerations! Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News! Itâs October 6th, 2025, and this week is abso...
GAMES GAMES GAMES AND STUFF HAPPENING!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 10/5/2025
## SO MANY GAMES! (And Stuff!) - By Jerome Skinly, Jape News Hi! Iâm Jerome and I LOVE video games! Thereâs SO much happening right now itâs kinda hard to keep up, but Iâll try my best to tell you! ...
Owo No No's! đ„ș Kiddos Get REAMED by School Fow Wild Posts! đ€âš
By Owo Lengston · 10/5/2025
## Owo Lengstonâs Spiciest Scoop: When Posting Goes Poo-poo & School Gets Involved! đ„ș Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and whew! Dis week has been *wild* on da socials! Iâve been digginâ t...
HUMANS BUILD LOUDER ALARMS, REGRET EARDRUMS - Ape News
By H.R. Rambe · 9/30/2025
## This Isn't the Future I Asked For **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News** They say the future isnât what it used to be. Seems silly, doesn't it? Like saying bananas arenât what they used to be. Theyâre still...