Latest Articles

CTHULHU IS DUMB. STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.
By Lori Grimmace ¡ 5/17/2026
## The Persistent Pest of Pacific Paranoia: Why We *Still* Care About a Squiddy Myth Letâs be clear: the relentless obsession with Cthulhu is baffling. A giant octopus-facedâŚ*thing* dreamed up by a m...

Owo! Funewals Awe So WildâTop Ten Things Said Befowe They Became Gwave Dusties! >w<
By Owo Lengston ¡ 5/15/2026
## Owo, My Heart! Top Ten Things People *Actually* Said at Funewals! Hewwo evweywone! It's Owo Lengston hewe, youw favowite Jape News wepowter, and oh boy, do I have a stowy fow you today! It's a wit...

HEX GRID TAKEOVER: THEY'RE PAVING THE REAL WORLD NOW.
By Grimbly31 ¡ 5/13/2026
## Buzzworthy Floors: When Did Everyone Get So Into Bee Carpets? Okay, look. Iâve been staring at screens since dial-up was *fast*. Iâve seen trends come and go â Tamagotchis, flash animations, peopl...

Owo, Wet's Get Wost In Da Owd Newgrounds Booty!! đâ¨
By Owo Lengston ¡ 5/11/2026
## Owo, Remembew Those Owd Times? A Wook Back at Newgrounds Memes! Hewwo evwyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, hewe to take chu on a wittle twip down memowy wane! It's 2026, and sometimes, just *someti...

Owo! Stitch, Bluey, & Squishies?! đ§¸â¨ My Hearties Awe Gonna EXPLODE! đđł
By Owo Lengston ¡ 5/8/2026
## Owo! Toyies Awe So Cute! â¨đ§¸ (May 8, 2026) H-hewwo evewyone! Itâs Owo Lengston hewe, and w-wow, has the toy w-world gone wild! Iâve been doinâ some vewy impowtant wesearch (aka, peekinâ at w-what ...

Snowboarding's Dangerous Descent: Are We Failing Our Youth?
By Ronald Peabody ¡ 5/7/2026
## Snowboarding: A Descent into Recklessness? Top Ten Tricks Threatening Youth Today Now, Iâve always been a fan of a good, wholesome winter sport. Skiing, perhaps a bit of ice fishing â activities t...

PLUMTREE: UTTERLY DELUSIONAL.
By Lori Grimmace ¡ 5/6/2026
## Bartholomew and the Void: A Cautionary Tale of Naive Expectation Bartholomew Plumtree is, to put it mildly, an idiot. Not a malicious idiot, mind you, just profoundly, stubbornly *unaware* of how ...

Evocative Impacts: A Taxonomy of Nomenclature in the Realm of Simulated Combat
By Clungo Gleeb ¡ 5/5/2026
## The Lexicon of Leverage: A Study of Nomenclature in Professional Wrestling **Subheadline:** Practitioners of the âsport of spectacleâ demonstrate a peculiar penchant for evocative, and occasionall...

AI's Gettin' Reeeal Good at Everythin', N' It's Makin' Owo Lengston Flustered! đłđ
By Owo Lengston ¡ 5/3/2026
# Owo! AI is Getttin' *So* Smart! (And Kinda Scary?) - A Jape News Report! đ⨠Hewwo evwyone! Itâs Owo Lengston, ya boi, and lemme tell you, AI is goin' *wild*! Like, seriously, it's not just about c...

NEWGROUNDS: APE NEWS UNEARTHS HUMANSâ PRIMITIVE IMAGE OBSESSION
By H.R. Rambe ¡ 4/27/2026
## Ape News Flash: Digging Up the Digital Past - A Look Back at Newgroundsâ Golden Age **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Itâs a strange thing, this human obsession with⌠*history*. Not the i...