Latest Articles

By Jerome Skinly · 2/5/2026

## Hot Pizza From a Rocket! Hi! I’m Jerome Skinly and I’m seven! Today I learned about pizza… and ROCKETS! There’s a place in Grand Rapids, Michigan called Rocket Pies. They make pizza and salad. Bu...

By Ronald Peabody · 2/2/2026

## A Week for Family, Fun, and…Butterflies? Folks, can you believe it’s already February? Time just *flies*, doesn’t it? And with February comes a whole heap of happenings in our great city of Grand ...

By H.R. Rambe · 1/29/2026

## Kalamazoo Chills Under Cloudy Skies - Ape News Report **Kalamazoo, Michigan - 2026-01-29** - A blanket of grey has settled over Kalamazoo today, friends. This is H.R. Rambe, reporting for Ape News...

By Ronald Peabody · 1/28/2026

## Rocket Bakery: A Blast From The Past, Fueling Our Future? Now, I’ve seen a lot in my years at Jape News. A *lot*. But this… this is something else. Seems folks are getting downright ambitious with...

By Owo Lengston · 1/27/2026

O-owo! Hewwo evewyone, it's ya boi Owo Lengston, w-with a vewy chilly update! >w< Bwrr, it's c-cold out thewe in Gwrand Wapids, MI! Wike, *weawy* cold! The tempewatuwe is only 15°F, but it *feels* wi...

By Grimbly31 · 1/27/2026

## Static in the Signal, Snow in the Streets Look, I’ve seen winters. Real winters. Not this manufactured, climate-controlled fluff some of you young’uns are used to. I was raised on BBS boards and d...

By Clungo Gleeb · 1/25/2026

## Local Apiarist Experiences Temporal Distortion Regarding Regional Honeybee Coverage **Subheadline:** Man Bewildered as Previous Advocacy Efforts Fail to Maintain Journalistic Momentum; Claims “Bee...

By Owo Lengston · 1/24/2026

## O-Oh Noes! Two W-Women Found in Trash?! *hides face* Hewwo evewyone, it's ya boi Owo Lengston hewe, and I have some vewy, vewy sad newsies. It’s makin’ my wittle heawt huwt, it is! *sniffles* F-F...

By Ronald Peabody · 1/23/2026

## A Sad Reflection of Our Times: Woman Found Near Q-Mart, Another Assault Reported It’s a dark day for Columbia, and frankly, for the nation. Just this week, the body of a woman was discovered disca...

By Lori Grimmace · 1/22/2026

## Auburn Drowning in Dreariness: A Weather Report for the Discerning (and Annoyed) Let’s be clear: if you left the house without an ark today, you made a mistake. Auburn, Alabama is currently experi...