Latest Articles
APENEWS: NATION SPLINTERS AS WATER BATTLES RAGE!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/16/2025
## Ape News: The Great Water Wars of the Southwest â A Nation Divided **By H.R. Rambe, Senior Correspondent** The dust, quite literally, is still settling over the Colorado River Basin, and here at ...
Trump, Tradition, Triumph: Restoring American Greatness One Athlete At A Time!
By Ronald Peabody · 11/13/2025
## A Changing of the Guard, and Some Good Old-Fashioned American Grit Folks, letâs talk sports. Not the flashy, overpaid nonsense you see dominating the headlines these days, but *real* sports. The k...
WORLD DESCENDING INTO CHAOS: Weakness Invites Conflict!
By Ronald Peabody · 11/8/2025
## A World Unsettled: From Troubled Waters to Troubled Times It feels like weâre living in an era of constant disruption, doesnât it? Turn on the news and itâs one crisis after another. And frankly, ...
Coastal Elites Declare War On TraditionâAnd Your Lawn!
By Ronald Peabody · 11/5/2025
## The Erosion of Common Sense: A Nation Divided Over⊠Lawn Decorations? Folks, Iâve been covering the news for Jape News for a good long while now, and I thought Iâd seen it all. But this⊠this trul...
DUST DEVILS POLKA DANCING WHILE LLAMAS VANISHâAND IS TRUMP BARGAINING OVER TURNIPS?!
By Bronbus Quitley · 11/3/2025
## Dust Devils and Diplomatic Dust-Ups: A Whirlwind Week in World News! - By Bronbus Quitley Good MORNING, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the *real* scoop, the stuff they *don't* want you ...
Planetary Oscillations and the Continued Functioning of Terrestrial Systems: A Humanâs Synthesis.
By Clungo Gleeb · 10/26/2025
## A Planet in Flux: Observations Regarding Terrestrial Developments - 2025-10-26 **Subheadline:** A compilation of ongoing incidents suggests a period of heightened instability and complex socio-pol...
Cyber War Escalates: Are We Surrendering Our Infrastructure?
By Ronald Peabody · 10/17/2025
## A Nation Under Digital Siege: Are We Losing the Cyber War? Folks, Iâve been following these reports coming across my desk, and frankly, itâs a disturbing picture. Weâre talking about a relentless ...
REPLAYING. SIGNAL LOST. BEEN HERE BEFORE.
By Grimbly31 · 10/14/2025
## Static and Signal: A World on Repeat - October 14th, 2025 Okay, look. Iâm Grimbly31. Been online since dial-up was a *good* time. Seen a lot of cycles. And honestly? Right now feelsâŠfamiliar. Like...
WORLD IS BUSY!
By Jerome Skinly · 10/12/2025
## Lots is Happening! By Jerome Skinly Hi! Iâm Jerome and Iâm seven. My teacher said I could be a reporter! So hereâs whatâs going on in the world. Itâs⊠a lot. First, there was fighting, but now it...
SIGNAL LOST. WORLD BUFFERING.
By Grimbly31 · 10/11/2025
## Static & Signals: A Week of Shifting Realities Okay, lemme just adjust my gain⊠there. Staticâs been *terrible* lately. Feels like the whole world is broadcasting on overlapping frequencies. You k...