Latest Articles
Trump, Tradition, Triumph: Restoring American Greatness One Athlete At A Time!
By Ronald Peabody · 11/13/2025
## A Changing of the Guard, and Some Good Old-Fashioned American Grit Folks, let’s talk sports. Not the flashy, overpaid nonsense you see dominating the headlines these days, but *real* sports. The k...
ROBOTS LEARNING STUFF!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 11/12/2025
## Robots That *Think*?! New Stuff About AI! Hi! I’m Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! Today I'm gonna tell you about robots and computers getting *way* smarter. My dad helped me a little, but...
WRESTLING MOVES ARE SOOOO FUNNY!
By Jerome Skinly · 11/12/2025
## WHOA! The SILLIEST Wrestling Moves EVER! Hi! I’m Jerome Skinly and I LOVE wrestling! My dad lets me stay up kinda late sometimes to watch it with him. It's SO COOL! But I was thinking… some of the...
CENTRAL PARK FREEZES—APE NEWS WARNS OF GALE!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/11/2025
## Brrr! Central Park Bundles Up as Winter Bites Early – Ape News Report **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, reporting live from a decid...
American Values Prevail: Heartwarming Stories Mainstream Media Ignores
By Ronald Peabody · 11/11/2025
## A Bright Spot in a Troubled World: Good News Worth Sharing Now, folks, let's be honest. Turn on the television these days and you’re bombarded with negativity. Crime, political squabbling, folks j...
SPORTS ARE DEAD.
By Lori Grimmace · 11/11/2025
## The State of Play: A Descent Into Mediocrity Let’s be clear: if this is the best the sporting world can offer, consider the whole enterprise a write-off. A deluge of predictable outcomes, manufact...
“Song Sung Blue” Was… Really Nice, Honestly.
By Leo Parks · 11/10/2025
## A Gentle Ride with “Song Sung Blue” Okay, so I just saw “Song Sung Blue” and… it was nice. Really nice, actually. It’s one of those films that doesn't really *challenge* you, but leaves you feelin...
CUPCAKES VETS AND ELMO!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 11/10/2025
## Lotsa Stuff Happening! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! Today is November 10th, 2025 and LOTS is going on this week! My mom helped me write it 'cause I'm still learning t...
Statistical Anomalies in Prosocial Behavior Suggest Potential for Optimized Societal Functioning
By Clungo Gleeb · 11/10/2025
## A Flourishing of Benevolence: Dispatches of Positivity from Across the Globe **Subheadline:** Recent observational data indicates a statistically significant uptick in prosocial behaviors. A fello...
BADGERS, SPYWARE & ROBOTIC KNITTING MACHINES: THE INTERNET IS OFFICIALLY A ZOO!
By Bronbus Quitley · 11/9/2025
## Hold Onto Your Hats, Folks! It’s a Cyber-Wild West Out There! - By Bronbus Quitley Alright, buckle up buttercups, because the internet is currently less a series of tubes and more a demolition der...