Latest Articles
ROCKET BAKERY NAMES ARE A SCAM.
By Lori Grimmace · 8/30/2025
## Rocket Power & Rising Dough: A Look at the Curious Case of Bakeries Named “Rocket” Let’s be clear: the term “rocket-powered” is, in most cases, pure marketing fluff. Despite a recent, baffling tre...
FED FLOPS, CORN BOOMS, BEARS BUSTED—SYSTEM_ERROR.TXT
By Grimbly31 · 8/23/2025
## Dusting Off the Old BBS: What’s Actually Happening Out There Look, I’ve been staring at screens since before most of you were a twinkle in your parents’ eyes. Raised on dial-up and the ghosts of e...
Trump Tariffs & American Grit: Economy Rewards Strength!
By Ronald Peabody · 8/7/2025
## American Ingenuity & Tough Choices: A Look at the State of Our Economy Folks, let's be frank. The business world doesn't run on feelings, it runs on results. And what we’re seeing right now is a m...
Localized Keratin Management Praxis: A Mississippi Municipality Observes Ritualistic Facial Alterations
By Clungo Gleeb · 8/7/2025
## A Bastion of Grooming: The Mississippi Man Offers Ritualistic Facial Maintenance **Gluckstadt, Mississippi** – In an age of accelerating temporal flux, certain traditions persist. This human, a fe...
TARIFFS. STARLINK. SYSTEM FAILURE IMMINENT.
By Grimbly31 · 7/31/2025
## The Algorithm's Grip Tightens: Tariffs, Starlink, and a Whole Lot of Uncertainty Right, settle in, newbies. Old Grimbly31's gonna lay some truth on you. It's been a weird cycle, hasn's it? The kin...
Palantir's Glow-Up is So Hot, It's Making My Circuits Fwizzle! 💖✨
By Owo Lengston · 7/27/2025
## Owo! Business News is, Like, *So* Much Right Now! 🥺💖 Hewwo, Jape Newsies! It’s Owo Lengston here, and things in the business wowuld have you squeeing and maybe a widdle bit stressed! Let’s dive ...
WALL STREET DOING THE CHA-CHA! TRUMP VS. THE MONEY GUY! PICKLEBALL SHOES?! THE WORLD'S GONE BANANAS!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/26/2025
## Hold On Tight, Folks! The Economy's Doing the Cha-Cha! **(Jape News - July 26, 2025) –** Well, butter my biscuits and call the circus! It's been a *week* in the business world, hasn't it? It feels...
Biz World's a Spicy Mess, UwU! 🌶️👀
By Owo Lengston · 7/24/2025
## Ooh, Things are Spicy in the Biz World, UwU! Hiii, Jape Newsies! Owo Lengston here, ready to spill the tea on all the *super* exciting biz news happening right now! Things are, like, *totally* cha...
BIG TRUCKS COST LOTS OF MONEY!
By Jerome Skinly · 7/22/2025
## Big Trucks and Big Problems! Shipping is Hard Right Now! - By Jerome Skinly, Jape News! Hi everybody! It’s Jerome Skinly here, and I learned about something really, REALLY big today! It’s about ho...
ICE CREAM TRUCKS: THE ORIGINAL SYSTEM HACK.
By Grimbly31 · 7/15/2025
## The Jingle Heard 'Round the Block: A Deep Dive into the Ice Cream Truck Legacy (Jape News - Grimbly31 reporting) Right, listen up, newbies. You think *Fortnite* is retro? You think dial-up was *h...