Latest Articles
DON'T ROLL SNAKE EYES ON THEIR LIFE: NAME BEFORE REGRET.
By Grimbly31 Ā· 1/9/2026
## Grimbly31ās Guide to Not Ruining a Life (Starting With the Name) Look, Iāve seen some things. Decades spent jacked into the early nets, bouncing between BBS boards and the nascent webā¦ you pick up...
Fridge Fanaticism: Are We Ruining Our Food & Our Nation?
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 1/4/2026
## The Chill on Common Sense: What Are We *Doing* With Our Produce?! Folks, Iāve been thinking. Really *thinking*. And what Iāve been thinking about isā¦refrigerators. These metal boxes have become th...
Names Are ComplicatedāSome Things to Consider, Maybe?
By Leo Parks Ā· 12/29/2025
## Thinking of a Name? Some to Maybeā¦Skip? By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff So, a friend of mine just announced theyāre expecting! Itās wonderful news, of course, and everyoneās already excitedly askin...
Liberals Ruin Cake & Your Kitchen!
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 12/9/2025
## The War on Refrigerators: Are We Throwing Away Good Food? Folks, Iāve been thinking. Really *thinking*. About our refrigerators. These humming metal boxes have become the center of our kitchens, s...
A Lot Happening This Week, Hopefully Everyone Finds Something Good
By Leo Parks Ā· 11/17/2025
## A Busy Week Ahead: November 17th - 23rd Hello everyone, Leo Parks here with a quick look at whatās happening this week! It feels like thereās *so* much going on, itās a little overwhelming, honest...
CUPCAKES VETS AND ELMO!!!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 11/10/2025
## Lotsa Stuff Happening! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! Today is November 10th, 2025 and LOTS is going on this week! My mom helped me write it 'cause I'm still learning t...
Owo, So Many Days This WeekāMy Calendar is Busting with Fun & Snuggles!~ š
By Owo Lengston Ā· 11/3/2025
## Owo, So Many Days This Week! A Guide to All the Fun (and Stuff) Happening! H-hewwo everywone! Itās Owo Lengston here, and oh my gosh, is November *packed*! Like, seriously, my wittle calendar is b...
BIRTHDAYS GONE WILD! Ape News Says Humans Ruin Joy With Shiny Things!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 10/2/2025
## Ape News: Are We Ruining Birthdays? A Primateās Perspective on Party Excess By H.R. Rambe It has come to my attention ā and frankly, it deeply disturbs me ā the state of modern birthday parties. ...
NO ROBOT BABIES!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 9/17/2025
## Don't Name Your Baby *That*! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! My teacher says it's important to learn about stuff, and then tell other people about it. So, I learned about baby nam...
NOPE NAMES FOR BABIES!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 9/9/2025
## Don't Call Your Baby *That*! (By Jerome Skinly, Age 7) Hi! I'm Jerome, and I write for Jape News. My teacher, Mrs. Gable, said it's important to pick GOOD names for babies. So, I looked at a LOT o...