Latest Articles
LIBERAL LUNCHROOM TYRANNY: PARENTS FIGHT BACK AGAINST VEGETABLE MANDATES!
By Ronald Peabody · 11/17/2025
## The Great School Lunch Revolt: A Nation Divided Over Broccoli & Budgets Folks, I’ve been following the news for a long time, and I thought I’d seen it all. But this… this school lunch business? It...
A Lot Happening This Week, Hopefully Everyone Finds Something Good
By Leo Parks · 11/17/2025
## A Busy Week Ahead: November 17th - 23rd Hello everyone, Leo Parks here with a quick look at what’s happening this week! It feels like there’s *so* much going on, it’s a little overwhelming, honest...
TARIFFS, TARIFS! ECONOMY SHAKES LIKE APE IN RAIN!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/17/2025
## Ape News Business Roundup - Rambe Reports Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the world of business, as always, courtesy of Ape News. It’s a bit of a jungle o...
LITTLE APES GRABBY FOR PLASTIC, SPINNING, MUSICAL THINGS!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/16/2025
## Ape News: What the Little Ones Are Grabbing For! **By H.R. Rambe** It’s that time of year, friends! The time when the young apes – er, children – start making those *very* specific requests. Here...
APENEWS: NATION SPLINTERS AS WATER BATTLES RAGE!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/16/2025
## Ape News: The Great Water Wars of the Southwest – A Nation Divided **By H.R. Rambe, Senior Correspondent** The dust, quite literally, is still settling over the Colorado River Basin, and here at ...
SPORTS ISN'T DYING IT'S ALREADY DEAD.
By Lori Grimmace · 11/15/2025
## The State of Play: A Descent into Mediocrity and Predictable Scandals Let’s be clear: if I wanted fluff, I’d collect dust bunnies. The sports world, as presented by the Associated Press – and ther...
Digital Warfare: Our Systems Under Constant Attack!
By Ronald Peabody · 11/15/2025
## A Digital Storm: November Brings Wave After Wave of Cyberattacks Folks, let me tell you, it’s getting rough out there in the digital world. I’ve been following the cybersecurity news closely these...
SHARMA’S “ECHO BLOOM”: TWO HOURS WASTED.
By Lori Grimmace · 11/15/2025
## “Echo Bloom”: A Cinematic Void Disguised as Art Let’s be clear: “Echo Bloom,” the latest offering from director Anya Sharma, isn’t *bad*. It’s worse. It’s profoundly, aggressively *empty*. Two hou...
Things Are Happening, And We're Covering It All.
By Leo Parks · 11/14/2025
## A Mixed Bag for the Economy, Folks Well, good morning everyone. Leo Parks here, and things are… certainly happening in the business world. It’s a lot to keep up with, honestly, and I’m just trying...
SPORTS IS A WASTE.
By Lori Grimmace · 11/14/2025
## The Athletic Void: Another Week, Another Disappointment (Mostly) Let's be clear: if you came to Jape News expecting a glowing report on the state of professional sports, turn back now. Seriously. ...