Latest Articles
GOVERNMINT CLOSED WOOD COST MORE TUMMY BUGS!
By Jerome Skinly · 10/2/2025
## Stuff is Happening With Money! - By Jerome Skinly, Jape News Hi! I’m Jerome and I try to understand grown-up stuff so I can tell you about it. My mom says lots of stuff is happening with money rig...
SEPTEMBER: AVOIDANCE RECOMMENDED.
By Lori Grimmace · 10/2/2025
## September’s Slaughter: Winners, Losers, and Wasted Potential Let’s dispense with the pleasantries. September is over. And frankly, a lot of what released was aggressively *mediocre*. However, a fe...
BIRTHDAYS GONE WILD! Ape News Says Humans Ruin Joy With Shiny Things!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/2/2025
## Ape News: Are We Ruining Birthdays? A Primate’s Perspective on Party Excess By H.R. Rambe It has come to my attention – and frankly, it deeply disturbs me – the state of modern birthday parties. ...
GAMING IS AVOIDABLY, DESPICABLY PATHETIC.
By Lori Grimmace · 10/2/2025
## The State of Play: August's Gaming Landscape - A Ruthless Assessment Let’s dispense with the fluff. August concluded, and the gaming world, predictably, offered a mixed bag of the mediocre and the...
Things Are Happening, So Please Be Careful, Okay?
By Leo Parks · 10/2/2025
## A Bit of Everything, Really Well, folks, it’s… a day. That’s probably the best way to put it. I checked the weather site – you know, the one with all the maps and everything – and it seems like pr...
TURTLES AND LASERS AND HERO DOGS!
By Jerome Skinly · 10/2/2025
## Good Stuff Happening! (By Jerome Skinly, Age 7) Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! My teacher said even little kids can tell people about important stuff, so I'm gonna tell you about all th...
APE NEWS: STATIC HEADS MEAN WEAK PRIMATES!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/2/2025
## The Static in Your Head: Taming the News-Induced Anxiety By H.R. Rambe, Ape News The chattering. It’s everywhere. Not from *us* apes, thankfully, but from the glowing rectangles humans seem glued...
SYSTEM_FAILURE: GLOBAL_WEATHER_PATCH_REQUIRED.
By Grimbly31 · 9/30/2025
## Seriously? October Already? Look, I've been staring at screens since before most of you were *born*, alright? I remember when checking the weather meant decoding static on a BBS and hoping someone...
HUMANS BUILD LOUDER ALARMS, REGRET EARDRUMS - Ape News
By H.R. Rambe · 9/30/2025
## This Isn't the Future I Asked For **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News** They say the future isn’t what it used to be. Seems silly, doesn't it? Like saying bananas aren’t what they used to be. They’re still...
Planetary Oscillations Continue: A Human Observer’s Compendium of Current Disquietudes
By Clungo Gleeb · 9/30/2025
## A World in Flux: Observations from a Concerned Human Observer **Subheadline:** Reports indicate a sustained period of planetary agitation. A summary of recent developments, as perceived by a dedic...