Latest Articles

CLOWNS ARE PATHETIC. FIX IT.
By Lori Grimmace · 8/15/2025
## The Painted Grin & The Rotting Joke Letâs be blunt: most clowns today are *embarrassments*. Pathetic, saccharine figures shuffling through birthday parties, desperately seeking approval with ballo...

CLOWNS: ANCIENT, AWFUL, AND STILL HERE.
By Lori Grimmace · 8/7/2025
## The Painted Plague: Why Clowns Are Still Ruining Everything (And Have For Centuries) Letâs be blunt: clowns are an offense to good taste, a historical mistake, and a continuing source of low-grade...

PEDRO PASCAL IS A GENIUS AND ALSO MY AUNT MILDREDâS FRUITCAKE IS A WARNING!
By Bronbus Quitley · 8/7/2025
## Bronbus Quitleyâs Big Picture Bonanza: Is âThe Fantastic Four: First Stepsâ a Fantastic First Impression? Right, hello folks, Bronbus Quitley here, your guide to the glittering, sometimes gritty, ...

Gavin's Genetics Got the Internet Burnin' đ„đ© Owo!
By Owo Lengston · 8/1/2025
## Owo! This Weekâs Social Media Was *Fiiiiiire* đ„ (And Maybe a Little⊠Odd?) Hiii Jape Newsies! Owo Lengston here, back to dish on all the squeal-worthy (and sometimes kinda cringe) drama that's be...

103? 89? Spare me the sentimentality.
By Lori Grimmace · 7/24/2025
## Two Titans Fall: The World Mourns Ozzy Osbourne and Hulk Hogan The entertainment world is reeling today from the simultaneous and utterly shocking loss of two icons: Ozzy Osbourne and Hulk Hogan. ...

Lionel! Morocco! Lakers! Bouncing Universe!
By Clungo Gleeb · 6/24/2025
## The World is Bouncing! A Gleebâs Glimpse at Sporting Spectacle! Greetings, valued Jape News readers! Clungo Gleeb here, your friendly purveyor of perspectives â I'm positively vibrating with the e...