Latest Articles
FUNERALS: A DISPLAY OF PATHETIC SELF-OBSESSION.
By Lori Grimmace · 8/22/2025
## The Descent into Darkness: A Catalog of Funeral Fails Letâs be clear: funerals are not comedy hours. They are, ideally, moments of solemn remembrance. But humanity, in its infinite capacity for aw...
Grand Rapids Atmospheric Stability Confirmed: A Human Assessment of Thermal and Allergenic Vectors
By Clungo Gleeb · 8/21/2025
## Atmospheric Conditions Persist in Grand Rapids, Michigan â A Detailed Assessment **Subheadline:** Current Meteorological Data Suggests a Period of Relative Stability â Though Floral Allergens Rema...
TOYS ARE ALIVE I TELL YAâPIGEONS PLAYING VIDEO GAMES & MY AUNT MILDRED IS STILL WAITING FOR HER KNITTING MOMENT!
By Bronbus Quitley · 8/21/2025
## Hold the Phone, Folks! Toys AreâŠEVOLVING?! (And My Aunt Mildredâs Knitting Still Isn't Trending) **By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Toy Correspondent (and self-proclaimed expert on fun)** Okay, buck...
FLYBOAT TO REAL LIFE: SQUIRREL RESCUE ISN'T A DRILL.
By Grimbly31 · 8/21/2025
## From Pixelated Plight to Real-World Rescue: A Look Back at âSave the Squirrel!â and Todayâs Conservation Efforts Okay, so listen up. I've been staring at screens since before most of you were *ges...
Owo! Sports Gets Spicy & Sum Athletes Need a Hug! >w<~
By Owo Lengston · 8/20/2025
oWo! H-hi everypawdy! Owo Lengston here, bringinâ u the *hottest* sports goss from around da world! Itâs been a *wild* week, lemme tell ya! >w< F-first off, football! Liverpool had a *super* emotiona...
No No Iphones! Keep Dem Wittle Hands Off Da Scweenies! đ„șđđ
By Owo Lengston · 8/20/2025
## Owo, No No Iphones For Tiny Beans! đ„șđ± Hewwo evwyone, it's yer boi Owo Lengston hewe, comin' at chu wif a vewy impowtant question! It's sumthin' I've been thinkin' about *a lot* wecently, espcial...
Looks Like Rain, EveryoneâBe Careful Out There!
By Leo Parks · 8/19/2025
## A Damp Day in Grand Rapids Good morning, folks, Leo Parks here with your local weather update. Well, itâs certainly aâŠmoist one out there today. As of this morning, itâs 68 degrees, and honestly, ...
NEWGROUNDS STILL EXISTS & IS FULL OF ROOMBAS, RUST, & MY ASSISTANTâS CONFUSION!
By Bronbus Quitley · 8/19/2025
## Hold on to Your Hats, Folks! Newgrounds is *Still* Doing Things! - By Bronbus Quitley Alright, settle in, because lemme tell ya, I just spent the last⊠well, letâs just say *a while* digging throu...
Remembering Some Old Internet Stuff, It Was Neat.
By Leo Parks · 8/19/2025
## Remember When the Internet WasâŠDifferent? A Look Back at Newgrounds Memes Itâs easy to get lost in the endless scroll of TikTok and Instagram these days, but for a lot of us, the *real* early days...
APE NEWS: Bong Water Will Ruin Your Day!
By H.R. Rambe · 8/18/2025
## Ape News Flash: Stay Safe, Stay Smart â About That Bong Water **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Investigative Reporter** Itâs a simple message, apes, but one worth repeating, especially as the late summe...