Latest Articles

FRIDGE TYRANNY MUST END! Bananas Demand Sunshine, Potatoes Plot Escape!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 8/14/2025
## The Fridge Rebellion: What *Doesn't* Belong in the Cold! ā By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, and let me tell you, Iāve been doing some *serious* investigati...

Just...a really sad thing happened at the Quick Stop.
By Leo Parks Ā· 8/13/2025
## A Sad Discovery at the Quick Stop Itās⦠well, itās just awful, really. Here at Jape News, we try to focus on the good things happening in our community, but sometimes we have to report on things t...

TUBAS AREN'T JUST OOMPAH ANYMORE. I'VE SEEN THE SOURCE CODE.
By Grimbly31 Ā· 8/13/2025
## Beyond the Oompah: Unlocking the Tuba's Hidden Potential Look, Iāve been online since dial-up was a *good* day. Seen things you wouldn't believe. And let me tell you, the internet has a surprising...

Well, Thatāsā¦Something.
By Leo Parks Ā· 8/13/2025
## Carrot Top Announces Presidential Bid, Promises āProps for Progressā **Las Vegas, NV ā August 13, 2025** ā In a move that hasā¦certainly gotten people talking, veteran comedian and prop comic Carro...

MOONTAKU FOUNDER: SECRETLY OBSESSED WITH VACUUMS (AND CHARTREUSE IS BETTER, OBVIOUSLY!)
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 8/13/2025
## Should We Challenge the Moon? Jape News Ponders a Rivalry with Moontaku! Good morning, Japers! Bronbus Quitley here, your friendly neighborhood news⦠well, *gatherer* really. Look, gathering is a ...

BEAVERS ARE PLOTTING AND THE WEATHER CHANNEL PROVED IT! (Plus, spontaneous pigeon combustion!)
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 8/12/2025
## Is the Weather Messing With *You*?! - By Bronbus Quitley Alright folks, settle in, because the weather today? Hoo boy. Itās a doozy. Iām tellinā ya, the atmosphere is just⦠*moody*. It's like it w...

š„ŗOwo! Funewal Talk is WILD & Makes Owo Blushies!~š¾š¤
By Owo Lengston Ā· 8/12/2025
## Owo's Top Ten Things Folks Say at Funewals (and Why They're Kinda Funny, Nya~) š¾ H-hewwo, d-darlings! It's Owo Lengston, yuwu favowite weeporter, and today we're diving into a topic that's...well...

PLANET STRESSFUL: Ape News Reports Global Troubles!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 8/12/2025
## A World on Edge - Ape News Roundup - August 12, 2025 Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from around the globe, as reported by Ape News. Itās a troubling week, fra...

Gaza, Ukraine, & Wittle Boxews OH MY GOSH! Wold's a MESS & My Heawt is BWEAKIN'! sniffles & bats eyelashes
By Owo Lengston Ā· 8/11/2025
uwu oh my gosh, hewwo evewyone! It's Owo Lengston hewe, and things awe... a wittle bit of a mess out thewe, nyah! Let's dive into what's been happenin' awound da wowwd, okay? *giggles* Fiwst, poor wi...

Smores Elephants Lazy Days!
By Jerome Skinly Ā· 8/11/2025
## Hi! It's Jerome Skinly Here! News Time! (August 11, 2025) Hi everybody! It's me, Jerome! I'm seven and I write for Jape News! This week is REALLY busy with lots of days to remember! My mom says it...